Alright folks, the long awaited "I'm back home" post is finally here. (Basically because I didn't want Daniella to beat me up...)
I've been home for about 2 months now. It's been an interesting transition. I felt like I was pretty mentally prepared for what it would be like to be back home....I now feel like that was not exactly the case. =) It's been somewhat of a rollercoaster...and even now, I still find myself thinking about St. Louis fairly often. Like....at least 14 times a day. =)
Let me just say this though: God has continued to be SO faithful to me! (Well...DUH! Of course He has!)
I've been just blown away....I knew that being away for a year had changed me but being back in my old environment has proven that to be even more true than I realized...He has really changed the very core of who I am. How I relate to people, what I value, and how I use my time has changed drastically.
It's been interesting to see how that has affected my relationships here. For the most part, I would say that people around me have been really accepting to the changes that have taken place....kind of giving me a little bit of time to adjust and allowing me to be who I am without having expectations or preconceived ideas.
At first it was a bit rough trying to figure out where I fit in exactly. And there was definitely a fear in me of going back to what I was before...but like I said before, I've come to realize that God has truly changed my from the inside out.
It's been amazing to see some of the prophecies that I got in St. Louis come true since I've been back....I WAS in fact overwhelmed by what I felt like God wanted me to do. Feeling inadequate and unsure about where to start but He has really paved the way.
I met with Warren and we brainstormed and came up with some pretty great ideas. I've had the privilege of working on starting some new things here at the River Center and it's been really exciting to see God bless all of it! I can honestly say that before I left for FYT I did not LOVE serving the church- but God has really changed my perspective. I LOVE being a part of what God is doing.
This morning my friend Chris Nordstrand left for FYT in St. Louis. It was kind of weird saying goodbye to him last night...I told him that I was more sad about the fact that he was getting to see my friends than I was about the fact that he was actually leaving. =) That MAY or may not be true.... Seriously though, I'm excited that he'll be connecting with such amazing people and I have no doubt that God is going to completely transform his life! So exciting!
OH! AND!!!!!!!!!!!! Renee is coming to visit me in September and I can't even handle how excited I am about it and we're going to go to the beach and we're gonna go see fun things and meet fun people and have fun and oh my word I can't wait. (Yes, NANCY, that was ONE sentence)
Alright- I think that's all for now. =)
I am going to make a serious effort to update this more often. FOR REAL.
P.S.
I'm feeling slightly scatterbrained today...so....sorry if I jumped around a bit. =)
Thursday, August 19, 2010
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
The moment of in-between-ness....
Such bitter sweet feelings. I left St. Louis at 2pm. I arrive in Portland at 7pm.
Saying goodbye has been hard...harder that I expected. Partly because it seems like I've been slowly saying goodbye for the last 2 weeks.
Man oh man...I think I'm gonna have to take another time to re-cap on this year. There are too many words.
Here's where I'm at right now....
-I'm excited to see family and Oregon friends.
-I'm going to intensely miss my St. Louis friends.
It's so amazing how God knows what He's doing. In August when I was getting ready to move here, I was clinging to God for dear life because the future was uncertain and I was scared. Now, as I leave, something inside of me has changed. I know that God holds my future. I don't have it all planned out...but I know that He will guide my feet as I go...wherever it is that I'll be going. Don't get me wrong, there IS sadness- I am definitely sad. =P But, not afraid.
So....as I sit here in between my home and my other home, here are a few of the things that I'm going to miss... (in no particular order)
Things I miss about Lebanon:
1) The River Center
2) The silence of the country
3) Being able to get ANYWHERE in town in less than 15 minutes
4) Mountains
5) Old friends
6) Sum Yan
7) The "Turkey Way" and many other back roads
8) Knowing how to get pretty much anywhere.
9) Wal-mart Supercenter
10) Country Fair Produce
11) Strawberries
12) Old memories
13) Being close to the ocean
Things I miss about St. Louis:
1) The many noises of the city
2) 6 lane freeways
3) QT (It's 7-11 on steroids!)
4) New memories
5) Jubilee
6) Finding new places (which is NOT the same as getting lost)
7) Having COOL places to "cruise"
8) Target supercenter WITH a parking garage!
9) New friends
10) Panda Pavilion
11) Lunch on the roof
12) The best drinking water I've ever experienced
13) Tornados
Things I miss about Renee:
1) Our crazy kitchen cleanups after dinner every night
2) Discussions through the bathroom door
3) You-know-what on the way up the stairs (almost) every night
4) Facebook stalking (even though my skills in this far exceed yours haha)
5) Separate couches
6) TRUE friends (you know...)
7)The way you wander aimlessly, half-asleep around the kitchen in the mornings
8) Bob the builder
9) Feeling accomplished if we stay awake for an entire movie
10) Waiting for Farkle chips
11) Foreign *******
12) The "I-just-took-a-bite" noise
13) Fake fights
14) Watching Hulu together
15) You stealing my shoes
16) Your car door getting stuck
17) "I feel like..."
18) Maternity shirts (HA!)
19) Target trips
Got has blessed me beyond measure.
I can't wait to see what He does next!
Saying goodbye has been hard...harder that I expected. Partly because it seems like I've been slowly saying goodbye for the last 2 weeks.
Man oh man...I think I'm gonna have to take another time to re-cap on this year. There are too many words.
Here's where I'm at right now....
-I'm excited to see family and Oregon friends.
-I'm going to intensely miss my St. Louis friends.
It's so amazing how God knows what He's doing. In August when I was getting ready to move here, I was clinging to God for dear life because the future was uncertain and I was scared. Now, as I leave, something inside of me has changed. I know that God holds my future. I don't have it all planned out...but I know that He will guide my feet as I go...wherever it is that I'll be going. Don't get me wrong, there IS sadness- I am definitely sad. =P But, not afraid.
So....as I sit here in between my home and my other home, here are a few of the things that I'm going to miss... (in no particular order)
Things I miss about Lebanon:
1) The River Center
2) The silence of the country
3) Being able to get ANYWHERE in town in less than 15 minutes
4) Mountains
5) Old friends
6) Sum Yan
7) The "Turkey Way" and many other back roads
8) Knowing how to get pretty much anywhere.
9) Wal-mart Supercenter
10) Country Fair Produce
11) Strawberries
12) Old memories
13) Being close to the ocean
Things I miss about St. Louis:
1) The many noises of the city
2) 6 lane freeways
3) QT (It's 7-11 on steroids!)
4) New memories
5) Jubilee
6) Finding new places (which is NOT the same as getting lost)
7) Having COOL places to "cruise"
8) Target supercenter WITH a parking garage!
9) New friends
10) Panda Pavilion
11) Lunch on the roof
12) The best drinking water I've ever experienced
13) Tornados
Things I miss about Renee:
1) Our crazy kitchen cleanups after dinner every night
2) Discussions through the bathroom door
3) You-know-what on the way up the stairs (almost) every night
4) Facebook stalking (even though my skills in this far exceed yours haha)
5) Separate couches
6) TRUE friends (you know...)
7)The way you wander aimlessly, half-asleep around the kitchen in the mornings
8) Bob the builder
9) Feeling accomplished if we stay awake for an entire movie
10) Waiting for Farkle chips
11) Foreign *******
12) The "I-just-took-a-bite" noise
13) Fake fights
14) Watching Hulu together
15) You stealing my shoes
16) Your car door getting stuck
17) "I feel like..."
18) Maternity shirts (HA!)
19) Target trips
Got has blessed me beyond measure.
I can't wait to see what He does next!
Monday, April 19, 2010
God speaks in such random ways & I love it
FIRST of all- small side note: The other day, I was listening to this John Mayer song, "Heartbreak Warfare" and...all of the sudden I found myself sobbing. Not because of anything the song specifically said, but because God totally revealed something intense to me through that song. I was sobbing and laughing. Because, God truly does have a sense of humor. I'd encourage you to try asking God to speak to you through everyday ordinary things. It's kinda amazing how He answers that prayer. =)
Ok- It's just recently hit me how LITTLE time I have left here! More than once now I've had Ben's "Finish Strong!" or "How to Remain Spiritual all Summer Long" sermon floating around in my head. (I wish I could remember it better...lol)
One thing I feel really strongly about is not just "fading out." I don't want this last month-ish to be dull and lifeless. Instead I want to GROW and grab hold of everything I can while I'm here.
This morning as I was getting ready- I was thinkin about how it would be SO much easier to just kinda start focusing on home and getting things in order there, starting to distance myself from people and things here.
Then I was thinking about this new game I learned the other night- Blockus. (welcome to the randomness that is my brain)
A few nights ago, I played for the first time with Seth and Shannon and totally lost. But yesterday when I played with Shannon, I won both times. The only difference was, when I played for the first time I was focusing on which pieces were mine, looking at the occupied spaces and seeing how I could connect the pieces I had with those other pieces. And, well....it didn't work all that well. Because towards the end of the game, I was left with these huge pieces that wouldn't fit anywhere because the board was filling up.
When I played with Shannon, I tried a new strategy- as the game got going, I starting to look at the empty spaces and tried to fit my pieces in those spots. It OBVIOUSLY worked better since I won both times. (Shannon, sorry I had to bring this up...lol)
ANYWAYS, this is a ridiculous analogy. BUT, God really did speak to be through it. Reminding me that my time here is coming to an end. But I still have specific things to do and to learn. And INSTEAD of focusing on all the things I've already done, and being sad about this season coming to and end, I need to focus on filling in these last few gaps with the perfectly shaped pieces that God has given me.
Here's the thing- I AM excited to go home. Somewhere deep inside of me, I AM excited. =) HOWEVER, this year has been by far the biggest growth year that I've had in my life. I truly am a different person. And Dill, Jo, the leaders and members of Jubilee, and all of my new friends and family have played such a HUGE role in this unique and treasured time in my life that I will always think of St. Louis and Jubilee as my second home and leaving them is really sad to my ridiculously-sentimental self. =)
That being said, I DO know without a doubt that God is preparing the way for me in Lebanon. Each time I talk to someone back home I see just how God's hand really is in my decision to go back and I'm excited to transition back into things there.
In the meantime- I'm not going to rush my time here. Still trying to find the balance of responsibly having things in order for when i get back, but as Ray Lamontagne would say, "being here now"
Alrighty...that's all for now.
Peace out cub scout.
Ok- It's just recently hit me how LITTLE time I have left here! More than once now I've had Ben's "Finish Strong!" or "How to Remain Spiritual all Summer Long" sermon floating around in my head. (I wish I could remember it better...lol)
One thing I feel really strongly about is not just "fading out." I don't want this last month-ish to be dull and lifeless. Instead I want to GROW and grab hold of everything I can while I'm here.
This morning as I was getting ready- I was thinkin about how it would be SO much easier to just kinda start focusing on home and getting things in order there, starting to distance myself from people and things here.
Then I was thinking about this new game I learned the other night- Blockus. (welcome to the randomness that is my brain)
A few nights ago, I played for the first time with Seth and Shannon and totally lost. But yesterday when I played with Shannon, I won both times. The only difference was, when I played for the first time I was focusing on which pieces were mine, looking at the occupied spaces and seeing how I could connect the pieces I had with those other pieces. And, well....it didn't work all that well. Because towards the end of the game, I was left with these huge pieces that wouldn't fit anywhere because the board was filling up.
When I played with Shannon, I tried a new strategy- as the game got going, I starting to look at the empty spaces and tried to fit my pieces in those spots. It OBVIOUSLY worked better since I won both times. (Shannon, sorry I had to bring this up...lol)
ANYWAYS, this is a ridiculous analogy. BUT, God really did speak to be through it. Reminding me that my time here is coming to an end. But I still have specific things to do and to learn. And INSTEAD of focusing on all the things I've already done, and being sad about this season coming to and end, I need to focus on filling in these last few gaps with the perfectly shaped pieces that God has given me.
Here's the thing- I AM excited to go home. Somewhere deep inside of me, I AM excited. =) HOWEVER, this year has been by far the biggest growth year that I've had in my life. I truly am a different person. And Dill, Jo, the leaders and members of Jubilee, and all of my new friends and family have played such a HUGE role in this unique and treasured time in my life that I will always think of St. Louis and Jubilee as my second home and leaving them is really sad to my ridiculously-sentimental self. =)
That being said, I DO know without a doubt that God is preparing the way for me in Lebanon. Each time I talk to someone back home I see just how God's hand really is in my decision to go back and I'm excited to transition back into things there.
In the meantime- I'm not going to rush my time here. Still trying to find the balance of responsibly having things in order for when i get back, but as Ray Lamontagne would say, "being here now"
Alrighty...that's all for now.
Peace out cub scout.
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
This should be interesting...
I've got a bazillion thoughts twirling around in my head!
Thing #1)
I would like to say this...
....With Jesus. =)
Like, love love. Legit love.
God has been reminding me lately of things that He promised me long ago. Things that I'd been praying for...and I guess kinda stopped praying for....and I'm just now seeing how God had his hand in that situation when I didn't even realize it.
This whole realization was sparked by me remembering that I had asked God to help me change a specific thing about myself while I was away in St. Louis this year. And just the other day, I remembered that I USED to act a certain way, and now, that thought never even crosses my mind.
Today in the car (with Dill and Jo) we were talking about how we used to be when we first started year team. Remembering things that we used to argue about or habits we had. And in that moment, (although, I'm pretty sure the boys were unaware of this lol) I was overwhelmed with joy because God was showing me even MORE things in my life that have changed.
And I started to realize something, God is sending me home BECAUSE I'm a new person. So...there's no need to worry about whether or not I'll "fit in" the way that I used to. God has prepared the way. And God planned this from the beginning. That I would come to St. Louis, re-commit my life to Him, and fall in love with Him all over again.
Thing #2:
I am called to Lebanon, OR.
Ha.
It makes me laugh to say that. I guess because you typically hear people say things like, "God has called me to Africa" or "God has called me to minister to the poor in China" But, no.
God has called ME to Lebanon. Jealous? =) It's ok, you can be jealous. =)
I just had this discovery the other day. Thought I'd share it with all of ya's.
Thing #3:
GOD is faithful. HAVE I mentioned this in any post before? I feel like a broken record.
BUT here's the thing, at the beginning of year team, I stinkin had no confidence in the gifts God has given me. I mean, honestly, I had none. (Just ask the boys) And God has been So patient with me. The past few weeks I've really been trying to understand this certain gift that I know God has given me and I've been asking God to speak to me clearly, and then SHOW ME that it's Him speaking so that I can learn how to discern His voice from my own thoughts. And...at first I was like, "ok, maybe this is ridiculous to ask God to 'prove Himself' to me" BUT...I did it anyways, because I figured that the worst he could do was say no. =)
ANYWAYS, on Sunday...Dude....on SUNDAY. Well...let's just put it this way, God answers prayer. I was overwhelmed. And in love. And....hence the video at the beginning of those post. lol
Ok wow it's getting late.
I'm gonna go to bed now.
Oregon peeps- 2 months! =)
Missouri peeps- 2 months! =(
Ha. =P
Thing #1)
I would like to say this...
....With Jesus. =)
Like, love love. Legit love.
God has been reminding me lately of things that He promised me long ago. Things that I'd been praying for...and I guess kinda stopped praying for....and I'm just now seeing how God had his hand in that situation when I didn't even realize it.
This whole realization was sparked by me remembering that I had asked God to help me change a specific thing about myself while I was away in St. Louis this year. And just the other day, I remembered that I USED to act a certain way, and now, that thought never even crosses my mind.
Today in the car (with Dill and Jo) we were talking about how we used to be when we first started year team. Remembering things that we used to argue about or habits we had. And in that moment, (although, I'm pretty sure the boys were unaware of this lol) I was overwhelmed with joy because God was showing me even MORE things in my life that have changed.
And I started to realize something, God is sending me home BECAUSE I'm a new person. So...there's no need to worry about whether or not I'll "fit in" the way that I used to. God has prepared the way. And God planned this from the beginning. That I would come to St. Louis, re-commit my life to Him, and fall in love with Him all over again.
Thing #2:
I am called to Lebanon, OR.
Ha.
It makes me laugh to say that. I guess because you typically hear people say things like, "God has called me to Africa" or "God has called me to minister to the poor in China" But, no.
God has called ME to Lebanon. Jealous? =) It's ok, you can be jealous. =)
I just had this discovery the other day. Thought I'd share it with all of ya's.
Thing #3:
GOD is faithful. HAVE I mentioned this in any post before? I feel like a broken record.
BUT here's the thing, at the beginning of year team, I stinkin had no confidence in the gifts God has given me. I mean, honestly, I had none. (Just ask the boys) And God has been So patient with me. The past few weeks I've really been trying to understand this certain gift that I know God has given me and I've been asking God to speak to me clearly, and then SHOW ME that it's Him speaking so that I can learn how to discern His voice from my own thoughts. And...at first I was like, "ok, maybe this is ridiculous to ask God to 'prove Himself' to me" BUT...I did it anyways, because I figured that the worst he could do was say no. =)
ANYWAYS, on Sunday...Dude....on SUNDAY. Well...let's just put it this way, God answers prayer. I was overwhelmed. And in love. And....hence the video at the beginning of those post. lol
Ok wow it's getting late.
I'm gonna go to bed now.
Oregon peeps- 2 months! =)
Missouri peeps- 2 months! =(
Ha. =P
Monday, March 22, 2010
Youth group, Marriage, Surprises, & Obedience.
Looking back- the last couple of weeks have been really interesting.
I feel like life has been going in slow motion. The days seem SO long! And for that, I am SO thankful! I have been praying that God would help me make the most of every day that I have left here. And again, He's been so faithful to do that.
Updates:
Youth group in Union continues to be one of the highlights of my week. God has given me such a love for those kids! I always look forward to seeing what He's gonna do that week and who He's going to speak to. It's such a blessing to see God working in these kids' lives in such a powerful way, even though they're only in Jr. High and High School. God is not limited by age. =)
Our reading has been so challenging and exciting to me lately! God has been working on redefining my definition of marriage. Helping me better understand it's purpose, what it's meant to portray, how the world has messed this up SO badly, and how to go about sticking up for that as a single person. He's been teaching me different ways that I can support others marriages. AND Revealing to me how some of the desires in my heart don't quite line up with what He wants for me. Helping me understand what the important things are and reminding me that as I'm on this journey called life, my relationship with God will always continue to be #1. Even after I get married, the relationship with my husband will be second. So....it just kinda makes sense to continue to grow closer to God, trusting that He will place me in a relationship in the right time SO THAT I can better accomplish the things He has for me.
OH! This is fun news! =) SO, the boys and I have had a little bit of a difference of opinion on the importance of "quality team time" (Anyone who knows me can probably guess which side of the argument I was on) ANYWAYS, it's kinda been this on-going thing in the back of my mind that's bothered me all year. I've wanted to go spend time together at the arch, and some people didn't want to take time for that. Well, God has been doing some really amazing things among the 3 of us lately. Helping us learn to communicate and understand where the other is coming from. SO, last week someone had the idea to take another Costco trip. And, amazingly, everyone agreed to Saturday afternoon. =) So, we finished up babysitting on Saturday, and headed to Costco. We had samples, ate a polish dog (I will NEVER again spend an afternoon with them after they eat polish dogs....Oh man...), bought some fun things...THEN Josiah said he had to take some mail to some guy....but he didn't really know where he lived. All he knew is that we needed to follow the signs to get to the arch, then find Washington Street. So, we get to Washington street...
and Josiah says, "I think you have to turn right."
And I'm like, "JO! If we turn right, the only thing that's down there is the river, and the arch. There are no apartments."
Jo- "I'm pretty sure it's right. Dillon, just go right."
Me- "Jo! you already got us lost twice today! Trust me, it's NOT right!"
Jo- "Trust my directional skills!"
Me- "You dont have any Direc-----------wait a second!!!"
=)
They surprised me with a trip to the arch. It was really sweet. And even though Jo didn't get to go to the top, we still had fun walking around, learning about the Oregon trail, taking pictures. I really don't think they understand how much things like that mean to me. But, that's alright. =) I'm gonna miss these guys. I wish they could be in my life forever...BUT I guess that's what heaven's for. Well, that and praising Jesus. Perhaps in the opposite order that I said it. =)
Hmm...what else...God is teaching me what it means to be joyfully obedient. Learning that there IS joy in obeying Him and doing what He wants me to do instead of what I want to do. And not just this little tiny amount of joy, but fullness of joy.
"FULLNESS of Joy? Umm, yes, I think I'll have that. Thank you."
I've got some reading to catch up on today, so I think I'll go ahead and do that.
I feel like life has been going in slow motion. The days seem SO long! And for that, I am SO thankful! I have been praying that God would help me make the most of every day that I have left here. And again, He's been so faithful to do that.
Updates:
Youth group in Union continues to be one of the highlights of my week. God has given me such a love for those kids! I always look forward to seeing what He's gonna do that week and who He's going to speak to. It's such a blessing to see God working in these kids' lives in such a powerful way, even though they're only in Jr. High and High School. God is not limited by age. =)
Our reading has been so challenging and exciting to me lately! God has been working on redefining my definition of marriage. Helping me better understand it's purpose, what it's meant to portray, how the world has messed this up SO badly, and how to go about sticking up for that as a single person. He's been teaching me different ways that I can support others marriages. AND Revealing to me how some of the desires in my heart don't quite line up with what He wants for me. Helping me understand what the important things are and reminding me that as I'm on this journey called life, my relationship with God will always continue to be #1. Even after I get married, the relationship with my husband will be second. So....it just kinda makes sense to continue to grow closer to God, trusting that He will place me in a relationship in the right time SO THAT I can better accomplish the things He has for me.
OH! This is fun news! =) SO, the boys and I have had a little bit of a difference of opinion on the importance of "quality team time" (Anyone who knows me can probably guess which side of the argument I was on) ANYWAYS, it's kinda been this on-going thing in the back of my mind that's bothered me all year. I've wanted to go spend time together at the arch, and some people didn't want to take time for that. Well, God has been doing some really amazing things among the 3 of us lately. Helping us learn to communicate and understand where the other is coming from. SO, last week someone had the idea to take another Costco trip. And, amazingly, everyone agreed to Saturday afternoon. =) So, we finished up babysitting on Saturday, and headed to Costco. We had samples, ate a polish dog (I will NEVER again spend an afternoon with them after they eat polish dogs....Oh man...), bought some fun things...THEN Josiah said he had to take some mail to some guy....but he didn't really know where he lived. All he knew is that we needed to follow the signs to get to the arch, then find Washington Street. So, we get to Washington street...
and Josiah says, "I think you have to turn right."
And I'm like, "JO! If we turn right, the only thing that's down there is the river, and the arch. There are no apartments."
Jo- "I'm pretty sure it's right. Dillon, just go right."
Me- "Jo! you already got us lost twice today! Trust me, it's NOT right!"
Jo- "Trust my directional skills!"
Me- "You dont have any Direc-----------wait a second!!!"
=)
They surprised me with a trip to the arch. It was really sweet. And even though Jo didn't get to go to the top, we still had fun walking around, learning about the Oregon trail, taking pictures. I really don't think they understand how much things like that mean to me. But, that's alright. =) I'm gonna miss these guys. I wish they could be in my life forever...BUT I guess that's what heaven's for. Well, that and praising Jesus. Perhaps in the opposite order that I said it. =)
Hmm...what else...God is teaching me what it means to be joyfully obedient. Learning that there IS joy in obeying Him and doing what He wants me to do instead of what I want to do. And not just this little tiny amount of joy, but fullness of joy.
"FULLNESS of Joy? Umm, yes, I think I'll have that. Thank you."
I've got some reading to catch up on today, so I think I'll go ahead and do that.
Missouri peeps- Thanks for reading my blog. I love ya. =)
Oregon peeps- I miss and love you! Be home soon!
Any-other-state peeps- I don't even know you. =P
Friday, March 12, 2010
The latest...
I've been putting this off for so long...and I'm not really sure why. =/
Hmm...where to start...
Well, probably the biggest news as of right now is this:
I am moving back to Oregon after year team. For those of you who are saying, "yeah, duh. What was the other option?" Feel free to skip down a few paragraphs...
But for those of you who understand the hugemassiveness (Yes, I made up this word) of this statement, read on. =)
(I'll try to keep this short...) So, right before Mobilise, I was really struggling with this decision. I had quite a few concerns about moving back home and I've absolutely fallen in love with this city and the people here. Our training week here in St. Louis was the Mon-Fri before Mobilise, and I just KNEW that God was going to make the decision clear to me. I responded to an altar call, and in that moment, I heard God speak to me more clearly than I ever have.
In short, He reminded me of what I was, what I am now, and gave me a glimpse of what I will be. Reminding me of how far I've come, of the gifts he's placed in me, and stirring a new desire in me to go shake things up back home. I felt a peace like never before (regarding this decision) and I knew that God had his hand in me going back to Oregon.
I AM excited to go home. But, I've got to be honest, every day I pray that God gives me the strength to get through these last few days here with joy. Because, although there is no better place on earth than living in God's will, I DO know that I'm going to miss everyone here terribly and I MIGHT have a tendency to spend these last 2 months being sad that I'm leaving....which would just be lame. =)
So...that's exciting news for some...not so exciting for others. Truth is, I hear almost daily that I should "just stay here" and I truly truly would love to. But, I know that God has such great things in store for me, and the River Center, and all of Oregon. Heck, He's got great plans for the Northwest. =)
In other news:
These past few weeks have been so great. My love for these boys (Jo & Dill) grows every day...it's retarded! At the beginning of the year, I wanted to punch them both almost daily! =) We really have grown SO much as a team, it's amazing. It's been great to have 2 guys in my life that I know I'm safe around. Like 2 big brothers I always wanted. (Except that they're both younger than me....I forget that sometimes though)
Josiah has grown so much in his ability to lead worship! It has seriously been a dramatic change. He went from this half-way decent guitar player who sang random songs all the time, to a man who is truly after God's heart, worshiping more than anyone I know, becoming more and more skilled in his guitar playing, and learning to truly LEAD people into worship! It's been so amazing to see God really work on his heart, teaching him how to put his wisdom and knowledge into words that are helpful to other people, and it's ALSO been amazing to see his love for Dillon grow. (this one was sometimes a challenge, let me tell ya!) Ha! So proud of him!
Dillon has seriously transformed/morphed/changed/shifted (whichever of these words is more dramatic) into a leader in the last few months. He's always had such a huge heart for lost people (Evangelism is CLEARLY one of his gifts!) and it's been intense to see him learn to balance his heart for other people with the practical day to day life. He's gone from participating in a prayer meeting, to initiating nights of prayer, and directing things. His passion is so intense that it's really really difficult not to be affected by it. Lol. He's probably one of the best question-askers ever. He can strike up a conversation with anyone and immediately get their attention. He always has these somewhat odd, but thought provoking questions. He hears from God. And it changes his life daily. What a concept...
Here's a great example: Right now, Dillon is sitting across the room from me and he said,
"Have you ever thought what it would be like if the whole world fell down in the Spirit all at once? And Then they all get up and shout 'YEAH JESUS!' all at the same time?"
"Umm, no, Dillon. Can't say that I have." =P
It does make me a little sad knowing that we only have 2 months left together. And I really do hope that we keep in touch. (at least a little bit!) But, I know God has such amazing things planned for these guys! We joke about the three of us meeting up again some day to plant a crazy awesome church. =)
So, about ME. God has really been teaching me about being confident in my gifts. (I think this is a lesson I've been learning slowly but surely all year long...) But, I tend to get quiet or not speak out when I'm around people that are intimidating to me. (Usually people that are older than me) and God has really been challenging that. Testing me obedience....*gulp* It's been an amazing and scary process. But obeying God is such a freeing thing! (Try to make THAT make sense in your mind!)
A few days ago I was really thinking about some of the things I want to get involved in when I get back to the River Center and even getting a little frustrated because I don't know how I can transfer over the things I'm doing here, and be effective in the same way back home. And one of the ladies in the church was talking to me about the importance of realizing that the specific things that I do at Jubilee aren't necessarily things that God will have me do in the River Center. The main thing is that God has taught me about my leadership skills, what my strengths and weaknesses are, and it's yet to be determined how those things will play out once I get back home. But just seeing that I AM capable of so much more than I knew, is such a huge thing to learn.
So, the conclusion is this: I'm excited to move home, not excited to leave here. This will always be my second home. It just kinda sucks that is has to be SO far away. =) Thank God for planes...
Well...we have some things to get done this morning before we head off to Wentzville for the weekend.
Love and miss you all. =)
Brit
Hmm...where to start...
Well, probably the biggest news as of right now is this:
I am moving back to Oregon after year team. For those of you who are saying, "yeah, duh. What was the other option?" Feel free to skip down a few paragraphs...
But for those of you who understand the hugemassiveness (Yes, I made up this word) of this statement, read on. =)
(I'll try to keep this short...) So, right before Mobilise, I was really struggling with this decision. I had quite a few concerns about moving back home and I've absolutely fallen in love with this city and the people here. Our training week here in St. Louis was the Mon-Fri before Mobilise, and I just KNEW that God was going to make the decision clear to me. I responded to an altar call, and in that moment, I heard God speak to me more clearly than I ever have.
In short, He reminded me of what I was, what I am now, and gave me a glimpse of what I will be. Reminding me of how far I've come, of the gifts he's placed in me, and stirring a new desire in me to go shake things up back home. I felt a peace like never before (regarding this decision) and I knew that God had his hand in me going back to Oregon.
I AM excited to go home. But, I've got to be honest, every day I pray that God gives me the strength to get through these last few days here with joy. Because, although there is no better place on earth than living in God's will, I DO know that I'm going to miss everyone here terribly and I MIGHT have a tendency to spend these last 2 months being sad that I'm leaving....which would just be lame. =)
So...that's exciting news for some...not so exciting for others. Truth is, I hear almost daily that I should "just stay here" and I truly truly would love to. But, I know that God has such great things in store for me, and the River Center, and all of Oregon. Heck, He's got great plans for the Northwest. =)
In other news:
These past few weeks have been so great. My love for these boys (Jo & Dill) grows every day...it's retarded! At the beginning of the year, I wanted to punch them both almost daily! =) We really have grown SO much as a team, it's amazing. It's been great to have 2 guys in my life that I know I'm safe around. Like 2 big brothers I always wanted. (Except that they're both younger than me....I forget that sometimes though)
Josiah has grown so much in his ability to lead worship! It has seriously been a dramatic change. He went from this half-way decent guitar player who sang random songs all the time, to a man who is truly after God's heart, worshiping more than anyone I know, becoming more and more skilled in his guitar playing, and learning to truly LEAD people into worship! It's been so amazing to see God really work on his heart, teaching him how to put his wisdom and knowledge into words that are helpful to other people, and it's ALSO been amazing to see his love for Dillon grow. (this one was sometimes a challenge, let me tell ya!) Ha! So proud of him!
Dillon has seriously transformed/morphed/changed/shifted (whichever of these words is more dramatic) into a leader in the last few months. He's always had such a huge heart for lost people (Evangelism is CLEARLY one of his gifts!) and it's been intense to see him learn to balance his heart for other people with the practical day to day life. He's gone from participating in a prayer meeting, to initiating nights of prayer, and directing things. His passion is so intense that it's really really difficult not to be affected by it. Lol. He's probably one of the best question-askers ever. He can strike up a conversation with anyone and immediately get their attention. He always has these somewhat odd, but thought provoking questions. He hears from God. And it changes his life daily. What a concept...
Here's a great example: Right now, Dillon is sitting across the room from me and he said,
"Have you ever thought what it would be like if the whole world fell down in the Spirit all at once? And Then they all get up and shout 'YEAH JESUS!' all at the same time?"
"Umm, no, Dillon. Can't say that I have." =P
It does make me a little sad knowing that we only have 2 months left together. And I really do hope that we keep in touch. (at least a little bit!) But, I know God has such amazing things planned for these guys! We joke about the three of us meeting up again some day to plant a crazy awesome church. =)
So, about ME. God has really been teaching me about being confident in my gifts. (I think this is a lesson I've been learning slowly but surely all year long...) But, I tend to get quiet or not speak out when I'm around people that are intimidating to me. (Usually people that are older than me) and God has really been challenging that. Testing me obedience....*gulp* It's been an amazing and scary process. But obeying God is such a freeing thing! (Try to make THAT make sense in your mind!)
A few days ago I was really thinking about some of the things I want to get involved in when I get back to the River Center and even getting a little frustrated because I don't know how I can transfer over the things I'm doing here, and be effective in the same way back home. And one of the ladies in the church was talking to me about the importance of realizing that the specific things that I do at Jubilee aren't necessarily things that God will have me do in the River Center. The main thing is that God has taught me about my leadership skills, what my strengths and weaknesses are, and it's yet to be determined how those things will play out once I get back home. But just seeing that I AM capable of so much more than I knew, is such a huge thing to learn.
So, the conclusion is this: I'm excited to move home, not excited to leave here. This will always be my second home. It just kinda sucks that is has to be SO far away. =) Thank God for planes...
Well...we have some things to get done this morning before we head off to Wentzville for the weekend.
Love and miss you all. =)
Brit
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
In your presence there is fullness of JOY
Ok, so I've had this on my mind since Sunday. I've been meaning to blog about it. But...just haven't gotten around to it. And I figure that today is a good day for it considering the fact that I'm anything but joyful today. (just ask the boys...)
Anyways, I got the privilege of singing on the worship team again this Sunday. MAN do I love doing that! I guess I didn't realize how much I missed it. There's just something about serving God with the gifts He's given you that brings this sense of joy that can't be explained.
Which leads me to the point of this post. =) I kinda wonder if anyone noticed me smiling like a geek, to the point of giggling during the worship portion of each service. For some reason, I was so overwhelmed with the fact that the GOD of the universe loves me and allows me to worship Him.
We're in the middle of our Third book this year "Desiring God" by John Piper. It's deeeeeep stuff. =/ My head feels like it's gonna pop when I get done reading the chapter and it's all I can do to contain my thoughts into a one page report. Then we get to our discussion group and I can't seem to organize my thoughts enough to state my opinion on the book. It really is quite the site. =)
ANYWAYS, Last weeks chapter was on worship. And I really feel like that's what brought about this giggle-fest on stage. We mainly just talked about how the fact that GOD loves us and chose us should drive us to worship Him.
But worship is SO MUCH MORE than good harmonies and hands in the air. It's a lifestyle. It's the realization of the immense glory of God that drives us to praise him. John Piper says- "Strong affections for God rooted in truth are the bone and marrow of biblical worship"
One section of the book that totally blew my mind talked about worship as an end in itself. I guess I've never really thought about this before. =/ But, we don't worship as a means to something else. Worship is an end in itself. Nothing beyond worship can be sought as a higher goal.
"Worship is a way of reflecting back to God the Radiance of His worth. This cannot be done by mere acts of duty. It can only be done when spontaneous affections arise in the heart. And these affections for God are an end in themselves. They are the essence of eternal worship."
Saint Augustine said this, the highest good is "That which will leave us nothing further to seek in order to be happy, if only we make all our actions refer to it, and seek it not for the sake of something else, but for its own sake."
Piper goes on to talk about us being far too easily pleased. He says "We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered to us, like and ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in the slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea."
Yikes.
So...the problem with our worship isn't that we are asking for too much...but that we aren't asking for enough! We've gotten used to such pathetic, short-lived pleasures that our capacity for joy has shriveled. And so our worship has shriveled.
My favorite section of the chapter is the last one. (And NO it's not because I was sick of reading...and these chapters are freakin long...I really DID like the last one best!)
ANYWAYS, Piper explains that as humans, we have capacities for joy that we can't even imagine. They were MADE for the enjoyment of God. And GOD has the power to wake them up no matter how long they've been hibernating. =)
The key: "Pray for His quickening power, open up your eyes to His glory. It's everywhere."
Psalm 19:1 says "The heavens declare the glory of God, and the sky above proclaims his handiwork."
*sigh*
So....jeez louise....I have no reason to be cranky today. Thank you John Piper (and Jesus) for reminding me of this. =)
In other news: The xxxposed series at Jubilee has been AMAZING! Seriously, amazing. I would encourage any and everyone to listen to it online. You can find them HERE Or on iTunes-Jubilee church's podcasts.
Umm....other than that, been busy with reading and random year team tasks. AND for some reason, there seems to be an abundance of "Girl's night" activities happening lately. And I kinda like it. =) Between face masks, eyebrow destruction, and discussing putting sparkle paints on the roads to improve visibility of lines when there are puddles, there has DEFINITELY been some bonding moments. =)
I leave you with this thought: God's good, all the time. Enough said.
Love and miss you guys!
Brit
P.S.
I am SOOOOOOOO excited for the Equipped for Mission conference at the end of this month! My mom and sister are coming to visit...and it's going to be a blast! =)
Anyways, I got the privilege of singing on the worship team again this Sunday. MAN do I love doing that! I guess I didn't realize how much I missed it. There's just something about serving God with the gifts He's given you that brings this sense of joy that can't be explained.
Which leads me to the point of this post. =) I kinda wonder if anyone noticed me smiling like a geek, to the point of giggling during the worship portion of each service. For some reason, I was so overwhelmed with the fact that the GOD of the universe loves me and allows me to worship Him.
We're in the middle of our Third book this year "Desiring God" by John Piper. It's deeeeeep stuff. =/ My head feels like it's gonna pop when I get done reading the chapter and it's all I can do to contain my thoughts into a one page report. Then we get to our discussion group and I can't seem to organize my thoughts enough to state my opinion on the book. It really is quite the site. =)
ANYWAYS, Last weeks chapter was on worship. And I really feel like that's what brought about this giggle-fest on stage. We mainly just talked about how the fact that GOD loves us and chose us should drive us to worship Him.
But worship is SO MUCH MORE than good harmonies and hands in the air. It's a lifestyle. It's the realization of the immense glory of God that drives us to praise him. John Piper says- "Strong affections for God rooted in truth are the bone and marrow of biblical worship"
One section of the book that totally blew my mind talked about worship as an end in itself. I guess I've never really thought about this before. =/ But, we don't worship as a means to something else. Worship is an end in itself. Nothing beyond worship can be sought as a higher goal.
"Worship is a way of reflecting back to God the Radiance of His worth. This cannot be done by mere acts of duty. It can only be done when spontaneous affections arise in the heart. And these affections for God are an end in themselves. They are the essence of eternal worship."
Saint Augustine said this, the highest good is "That which will leave us nothing further to seek in order to be happy, if only we make all our actions refer to it, and seek it not for the sake of something else, but for its own sake."
Piper goes on to talk about us being far too easily pleased. He says "We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered to us, like and ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in the slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea."
Yikes.
So...the problem with our worship isn't that we are asking for too much...but that we aren't asking for enough! We've gotten used to such pathetic, short-lived pleasures that our capacity for joy has shriveled. And so our worship has shriveled.
My favorite section of the chapter is the last one. (And NO it's not because I was sick of reading...and these chapters are freakin long...I really DID like the last one best!)
ANYWAYS, Piper explains that as humans, we have capacities for joy that we can't even imagine. They were MADE for the enjoyment of God. And GOD has the power to wake them up no matter how long they've been hibernating. =)
The key: "Pray for His quickening power, open up your eyes to His glory. It's everywhere."
Psalm 19:1 says "The heavens declare the glory of God, and the sky above proclaims his handiwork."
*sigh*
So....jeez louise....I have no reason to be cranky today. Thank you John Piper (and Jesus) for reminding me of this. =)
In other news: The xxxposed series at Jubilee has been AMAZING! Seriously, amazing. I would encourage any and everyone to listen to it online. You can find them HERE Or on iTunes-Jubilee church's podcasts.
Umm....other than that, been busy with reading and random year team tasks. AND for some reason, there seems to be an abundance of "Girl's night" activities happening lately. And I kinda like it. =) Between face masks, eyebrow destruction, and discussing putting sparkle paints on the roads to improve visibility of lines when there are puddles, there has DEFINITELY been some bonding moments. =)
I leave you with this thought: God's good, all the time. Enough said.
Love and miss you guys!
Brit
P.S.
I am SOOOOOOOO excited for the Equipped for Mission conference at the end of this month! My mom and sister are coming to visit...and it's going to be a blast! =)
Thursday, January 21, 2010
You are still God, I have a reason to sing...
Whew! Where to start?! =)
Christmas break: (I believe that's where i left off)
It was goooood to be home. Amazing to spend time with family and friends. It was awesome to see how God is changing our church. Change...although it SEEMS scary....is actually exciting. Because I trust that our leaders are hearing from God on the directions we're headed, any "obstacle" or "frustration" is so minor. I know that ultimately God will be glorified, His Will will prevail.
While I was home, there were multiple times when I was like "WHY am I here right now???" and I was really asking God to show me what it was that I was supposed to learn while I was home and how I could grow. And I was completely shocked at what it was. Although, I'm not quite ready to reveal it yet. =)
So...I get back from Christmas on Monday & the transition back into things was a little difficult. We had training week starting Tuesday. And it was AWESOME. We had a different speaker every session and we learned SO much. We talked about Self leadership, the future of New frontiers, Responsibility, Prophecy, Leaders as Servants, & Biblical Womanhood. Talk about Brain overload. =) It was awesome though to be with all of the other year-teamers again. We prayed a lot about our futures and what God would have us do this coming year when we're finished on FYT.
Training week kinda blended into Mobilise starting on Friday. We helped with set up and getting things organized. And I look up, only to see, WASHINGTON FRIENDS walking through the door. =) For some reason, it makes my heart warm to see people from back home. (Even if they're people I hardly know from Washington) haha... THEN later that evening, Warren & Kim, Brent & Nancy, and Jonah & Becky showed up. =) It was SOOOO good to see them. =) Not gonna lie, I was kinda attached to their hips while they were here. I was just SOOOO pumped for them to get to see the environment that I've been in for the last 4 months and to start to catch the vision of what God is doing all over the United States through New Frontiers.
It's such an exciting thing to be a part of. God really is moving and to be in the middle of that movement is so exciting. I just want to like....go back to Oregon....and shout to everyone I know about the amazing things God is doing. =)
Anyways...back to Mobilise. Dude....God showed up. Not that I was like worried that He wouldn't...but...it was still incredible. I had specifically been asking Him all week to just reveal to me His plan for this next year. And dude...did He ever! Not only did He reveal it, He gave me so much peace. (again, more about this to come at a later date)
One of the nights...I was sitting in my seat, and I just started laughing...because God reminded me of a promise that he gave me when I was like....13ish? Anyways...I was laughing because that promise coming true has been such a process that I didn't even realize it was happening...and now it's such a part of my life that I'd forgotten what it was like to NOT have that be a part of me! Point being: God is so faithful. =)
Overall, the entire weekend was just plain awesome. Lives were changed. And I'm like, spiritually high. =) I SO wish that ALL of my Oregon friends could have been there! We had a ton of fun hang out time but more importantly they got to see first hand what it's like to be a part of this amazing family of churches.
Warren got to stay a few extra days to meet with other New Frontiers leaders. So...I got to see him here in the office. That was pretty cool. =)
SO excited for Equipped for mission in February!!! Pretty sure we need to fill an entire plane with Northwest people for this conference. =) It's gonna be awesome.
So...honestly, I have alot more that I could probably say...however, I want to talk to the leaders here a bit more before I reveal everything that God spoke to me this weekend. =)
I leave you with this: God is faithful.
If you've been reading my blog consistently, I'm sure that you've seen that this is something that I mention quite often. But that's because it's something that I'm constantly blown away by! When I least expect it, God just knocks my socks off! =)
I'm in love... =P
(With God..)
Anyways! I've got a massive list of things to do today, so I'm gonna go ahead and get on that. =)
Love and miss you guys back on the homefront!
-Brit
Christmas break: (I believe that's where i left off)
It was goooood to be home. Amazing to spend time with family and friends. It was awesome to see how God is changing our church. Change...although it SEEMS scary....is actually exciting. Because I trust that our leaders are hearing from God on the directions we're headed, any "obstacle" or "frustration" is so minor. I know that ultimately God will be glorified, His Will will prevail.
While I was home, there were multiple times when I was like "WHY am I here right now???" and I was really asking God to show me what it was that I was supposed to learn while I was home and how I could grow. And I was completely shocked at what it was. Although, I'm not quite ready to reveal it yet. =)
So...I get back from Christmas on Monday & the transition back into things was a little difficult. We had training week starting Tuesday. And it was AWESOME. We had a different speaker every session and we learned SO much. We talked about Self leadership, the future of New frontiers, Responsibility, Prophecy, Leaders as Servants, & Biblical Womanhood. Talk about Brain overload. =) It was awesome though to be with all of the other year-teamers again. We prayed a lot about our futures and what God would have us do this coming year when we're finished on FYT.
Training week kinda blended into Mobilise starting on Friday. We helped with set up and getting things organized. And I look up, only to see, WASHINGTON FRIENDS walking through the door. =) For some reason, it makes my heart warm to see people from back home. (Even if they're people I hardly know from Washington) haha... THEN later that evening, Warren & Kim, Brent & Nancy, and Jonah & Becky showed up. =) It was SOOOO good to see them. =) Not gonna lie, I was kinda attached to their hips while they were here. I was just SOOOO pumped for them to get to see the environment that I've been in for the last 4 months and to start to catch the vision of what God is doing all over the United States through New Frontiers.
It's such an exciting thing to be a part of. God really is moving and to be in the middle of that movement is so exciting. I just want to like....go back to Oregon....and shout to everyone I know about the amazing things God is doing. =)
Anyways...back to Mobilise. Dude....God showed up. Not that I was like worried that He wouldn't...but...it was still incredible. I had specifically been asking Him all week to just reveal to me His plan for this next year. And dude...did He ever! Not only did He reveal it, He gave me so much peace. (again, more about this to come at a later date)
One of the nights...I was sitting in my seat, and I just started laughing...because God reminded me of a promise that he gave me when I was like....13ish? Anyways...I was laughing because that promise coming true has been such a process that I didn't even realize it was happening...and now it's such a part of my life that I'd forgotten what it was like to NOT have that be a part of me! Point being: God is so faithful. =)
Overall, the entire weekend was just plain awesome. Lives were changed. And I'm like, spiritually high. =) I SO wish that ALL of my Oregon friends could have been there! We had a ton of fun hang out time but more importantly they got to see first hand what it's like to be a part of this amazing family of churches.
Warren got to stay a few extra days to meet with other New Frontiers leaders. So...I got to see him here in the office. That was pretty cool. =)
SO excited for Equipped for mission in February!!! Pretty sure we need to fill an entire plane with Northwest people for this conference. =) It's gonna be awesome.
So...honestly, I have alot more that I could probably say...however, I want to talk to the leaders here a bit more before I reveal everything that God spoke to me this weekend. =)
I leave you with this: God is faithful.
If you've been reading my blog consistently, I'm sure that you've seen that this is something that I mention quite often. But that's because it's something that I'm constantly blown away by! When I least expect it, God just knocks my socks off! =)
I'm in love... =P
(With God..)
Anyways! I've got a massive list of things to do today, so I'm gonna go ahead and get on that. =)
Love and miss you guys back on the homefront!
-Brit
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
So this is the new year...
Have you ever woken up and just asked yourself why?
"Why do I have to get out of bed so early?"
"Why did I waste so much time on facebook last night?!"
These two are pretty typical for most people, but have you ever thought a little deeper than that?
For me, this was one of those deeper mornings. "Why is my life the way it is? Was there one specific decision I made that caused it to be like this? Or is it just how my life was destined to be?"
Now don't you guys worry, I'm not regreting any life decisions that I have made and I'm not in any way saying that I'm not happy with the life I'm living. I have just had one of those step back and look at your life from a different standpoint kind of experiences that make you wonder what things would be like if you would have done one thing instead of the other.
I guess this kind of self evaluation should come around about the time of the New Year, I mean just take a little inventory of who you are now compared to who you were the last time you counted down the seconds until a new year. Isn't it funny though how we expect so much to change on days like new years and birthdays, when in reality, those are usually the days that the least amount of change happens? Change seems like one of those things that when you expect it, it never comes but when you don't, it comes out of no where and throws you a curveball. But if you think about it, that is really just what life is about. Changes. And even though changes are sometimes the hardest things to accept...we are better people because of them.
This is one of the biggest lessons that I have learned this semester, that change is necessary.
I have also realized this: in a small town like Lebanon (no offense to those of you who still live there) you don't have to grow. If you wanted to, you could stay in the same house with the same friends and family surrounding you and just get your degree at LBCC and not experience much change at all if you don't want to. In small towns you have to DECIDE to grow. It is up to you to seek out big changes. However, that isn't the case when you move out of your comfort zone and into a city like Portland were there are practially limitless possibilities. You get to chose who you will be rather than most of the population already knowing you.
So here it is....2010. Bring on the changes.
-Gina
Now Listening To: Dreamer by Chris Brown
"Why do I have to get out of bed so early?"
"Why did I waste so much time on facebook last night?!"
These two are pretty typical for most people, but have you ever thought a little deeper than that?
For me, this was one of those deeper mornings. "Why is my life the way it is? Was there one specific decision I made that caused it to be like this? Or is it just how my life was destined to be?"
Now don't you guys worry, I'm not regreting any life decisions that I have made and I'm not in any way saying that I'm not happy with the life I'm living. I have just had one of those step back and look at your life from a different standpoint kind of experiences that make you wonder what things would be like if you would have done one thing instead of the other.
I guess this kind of self evaluation should come around about the time of the New Year, I mean just take a little inventory of who you are now compared to who you were the last time you counted down the seconds until a new year. Isn't it funny though how we expect so much to change on days like new years and birthdays, when in reality, those are usually the days that the least amount of change happens? Change seems like one of those things that when you expect it, it never comes but when you don't, it comes out of no where and throws you a curveball. But if you think about it, that is really just what life is about. Changes. And even though changes are sometimes the hardest things to accept...we are better people because of them.
This is one of the biggest lessons that I have learned this semester, that change is necessary.
I have also realized this: in a small town like Lebanon (no offense to those of you who still live there) you don't have to grow. If you wanted to, you could stay in the same house with the same friends and family surrounding you and just get your degree at LBCC and not experience much change at all if you don't want to. In small towns you have to DECIDE to grow. It is up to you to seek out big changes. However, that isn't the case when you move out of your comfort zone and into a city like Portland were there are practially limitless possibilities. You get to chose who you will be rather than most of the population already knowing you.
So here it is....2010. Bring on the changes.
-Gina
Now Listening To: Dreamer by Chris Brown
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
There's no place like home for the holidays...
Once again it’s been awhile since I’ve blogged. My only excuse is that it’s been crazy busy since I got back from Thanksgiving. =) Right now I’m sitting in the St. Louis Airport, waiting for my flight back to Portland. (with a small stop in Phoenix) I found a pretty sweet place to chill for the next hour as I wait to board. Laptop plug-in and all! The only downside is that this stool is TOO tall for me and my legs can’t reach the ground =( AND there’s someone sitting RIGHT in front of me….pretty sure we’ve made awkward eye contact at least fifteen times in the last five minutes. *gulp*
It sure has been an amazing couple of weeks though. God has done some amazing things!
I THOUGHT that going home for Thanksgiving would give me clarity about whether or not I’m supposed to stay in the Lou after year team. However: that did not happen. =) I will say that I for sure HAVE fallen more in love with this place and the people here in the last 3 weeks. But…no decision as of yet.
I’m ok with that though. The last few weeks have just been so packed full of God and His faithfulness. I’m not really all that worried about it. I know that HE knows my need to plan things…and I really feel like He’s gonna let me know…when I need to know. =) And probably not a minute sooner. =) (or later)
I guess to sum it all up, right now, I’m just…..chill. =) I was stressing….quite a lot. (typical of me) But in the last few weeks, God has LAVISHED his love me in a way I haven’t felt before. Let’s talk about it, shall we? Alrighty then =)
So…my Birthday was last Wednesday. The big 21. I’ve been looking forward to this for years and I was a LITTLE disappointed when I found out that I wouldn’t be in Oregon for it because Paula, Nancy and I have had this grand plan for a LONG time. BUT God corrected my attitude, showing me once again that HE placed me here at this moment for a reason.
The night before my birthday, Seth and Shannon suggested that I stay up till Midnight. =) BRILLIANT idea. =) They stayed awake with me, playing cards….playing more cards….then playing cards again. I really don’t think they know how much that meant to me. (well…if they’re reading this, I guess they do now) Anyways, that’s just like something that I would do back home with Gina or Nancy. And THIS is one of the things that God has been speaking to me about lately. I’ve suddenly felt like I can be my 100% ridiculous self around all these people here BECAUSE He’s placed me here and BECAUSE He knows what He’s doing! I guess that part of me was afraid of not fitting in…and another part of me was afraid of fitting in too much and wanting to stay.
SO…back to the birthday…we stayed up till Midnight, went and bought champagne. Yum. =) The next day I was supposed to be at the building until 4 and then head to Union, MO for our weekly youth group. We were having a Christmas party there that night. Renee and Samantha surprised me with kolaches. If you don’t know what those are, you have not lived. They are heavenly. For real. So, they brought lunch not only for me but for the whole office! Everyone in the office hid in the lobby…behind pillars, behind garbage cans….And when II entered the room, they yelled surprise. Err wait, maybe I yelled surprise? Haha… =) Lunch was delicious. Amie, Dillon, Ryan, Josiah, & Jason had gone to Target the night before and bought me 21 gifts! =) AND a pile of cards signed by a bunch of different people. Yes, I definitely felt loved. =)
SO…I thought the party was over…and I was thoroughly surprised…and happy. HOWEVER, I was wrong. =) Samantha and Renee surprised me with a scavenger hunt all across the building! To find 21 items! AND….what’s even cooler than that is that most of the items were cool things that they had heard me mention at some point that I liked. Things like, the purple bag of skittles, a COLORING book with Crayola crayons, hand sanitizer, office supplies, a red spatula, and much much more. THEN we ended the hunt with the last clue, leading me to the roof of the building (where I’ve always wanted to go) AND I GOT TO RING THE BELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! =) It was pretty amazing.
Then we had the Christmas party in Union, it was blast. Exhausting, but fun. =) I think the kids liked it which was important.
This ended my birthday DAY….only to be followed by a family birthday night the next night in the Hein household. This ALSO was a blast. =) Seth and Shannon got me this awesome St. Louis coffee mug. =)
The next day we had “Year team Christmas” =) We exchanged gifts…it was pretty cool. =) Josiah had my name. He got me the St. Louis starbucks mug that I’ve been wanting since I got here. AND a cd! (Sidenote: I just love those boys. More in the last few weeks than every before. I feel like we’ve really bonded!)
Hmm…what else. I’ve started a notebook (thank you Dillon for the idea) with all of the prophecies that people speak over me…and words that God gives me. It’s been really helpful to look back over them and see all the promises that God has given to me. =) You should do the same. =)
Alright….time to take a quick restroom break and come back here to board my flight. This really has been a delightful way to pass the time. =)
Love love love you all. =)
Brit
Sunday, December 6, 2009
Long time no see...
Dude! It feels like it's been forever since I've blogged.
Shame on me. =)
So...let's see.....since I last blogged, lots has happened. We'll just hit the highlights. =)
I went home for Thanksgiving and surprised everyone. THAT was a blast! I laid in bed every night for weeks thinking of different ways that I could show up and blow peoples' minds. =) It was pretty fun. I ended up not doing any of the things that I had planned. But all of the surprises were definitely successful!
A few nights before I left we were having a prayer night and God spoke through a few different people about me being a messenger to my church when I went back home. And I was so encouraged and excited to see what God wanted me to share.
I got the chance to hang out with a lot of people at our church Thanksgiving and tell them about some of the things that God was doing in my life. I also got the chance to share a little bit in church. (After I sat down I thought of like 5 more things I would have liked to share....oh well.)
But one of the hugest things was the way that God revealed to me exactly what it is that I need to pray for regarding the River Center. I see areas that need work, that I didn't see before. Because I was so wrapped up in what I was doing when I was still living there and everything was just "normal." But now that I've been away for awhile, and come back, I see things that God wants to do. Things that He wants to grow us in. And it's Exciting!!!
It was kind of a weird feeling to be home and around all these people that I've known my whole life. I guess I just wasn't sure what to expect because I've grown and changed so much in the last 3 months and I feel like everyone at home hasn't really seen that process so I was afraid that I would just be treated like the "old me." God did work on my heart and showed me that I didn't need to be afraid of that. And it was actually not nearly as weird as I had thought it would be. Although, my last night at home was a little bit emotional.
I didn't want to leave.
And I didn't want to stay.
After a LONG day of travel, I made it back to St. Louis. Had a rough night that night. Really stressing about what God wants me to do at the end of this year. And for some reason, it TOTALLY stresses me out to know that half of my possessions are in Oregon and half of them are in St. Louis. Not really sure why. But it does. =)
Had a little bit of a rough week back. Had an issue from the past come back up and I found myself realizing that I didn't actually remember a time when I had actually presented this particular issue to God. I guess, because I had felt like it was SO disgusting, SO wrong and SO much of a distraction, that I didn't even WANT to bother praying about it. Because that would mean I would have to think about it. God of course corrected this attitude in me a few days later....
Saturday morning we had a prophetic seminar at Jubilee. It was incredible! God spoke to so many people! And I learned so much! Amie had a word for me about the exact issue that I had dealt with that week. She said that she saw a picture of a door that was rusted shut. And I was TRYING to open it, but I wasn't strong enough. But that God wanted to actually restore this door and make it usable again. He wanted to show me the things behind this door that had been locked away and blocked off for so long.
This word of course related exactly to what God had been speaking to me that week! And actually one of the things that I had been praying for was that the prophecies that God had given to me when I was young would STILL be fulfilled! I felt like I had been praying into them when I was younger and first received them, but then as I got older and my relationship with God kinda went south, I locked them away and almost felt like I would never be able to access them. I KNOW that those thoughts aren't from God and the word from Amie really encouraged me to keep praying and believing that God still wants to do those things in my life!
Which leads me to my next point.... Tonight we had a random prayer/worship night at Daniel & Jason's house. I was just sitting, praying, thinking about things. And for some reason when I opened my eyes to look around, I caught Elijah's eye and I KNEW that he had a word for me. But...as the night went on.....he never said anything. Till we were kinda done...(or so I thought) And he said, "actually...I have something to share with Brittney" And I was like "I knew it!" =)
He said that God wanted to remind me that I don't need to worry about what is going to happen after this year. God has already prepared the way. These dreams that I've been having, God wants to fulfill. God wants to tell me to sing out. God gifted me in that area, he's given me a new song to sing to him, a song that no one has heard before, that's what He's created me to do.
What's amazing about this is that THIS is the exact thing that I've been praying for. As a little girl I had words spoken over me about the gift of prophetic worship. And I've seen glimpses of it....I've experienced it in small ways but I've gotta be honest, it scares me! It is NOT easy to just sing out when i don't know ahead of time the words that I'm going to sing!
Along with that, Caris had a word for me that I was a caterpillar and God wanted to remind me that he was going to turn me into a beautiful butterfly...when she started saying that, Dillon, Josiah and I started cracking up laughing/crying. She has no idea about "the caterpillar thing" =)
God is so Good. He has spoken to me about literally every one of the things that I've been struggling with and praying about this week. You can't TELL me that He's not faithful!
Tomorrow is my day off, but I'm kinda feeling like trying to get a little sleep. =)
Love and miss you all!
See you on the 21st!
Shame on me. =)
So...let's see.....since I last blogged, lots has happened. We'll just hit the highlights. =)
I went home for Thanksgiving and surprised everyone. THAT was a blast! I laid in bed every night for weeks thinking of different ways that I could show up and blow peoples' minds. =) It was pretty fun. I ended up not doing any of the things that I had planned. But all of the surprises were definitely successful!
A few nights before I left we were having a prayer night and God spoke through a few different people about me being a messenger to my church when I went back home. And I was so encouraged and excited to see what God wanted me to share.
I got the chance to hang out with a lot of people at our church Thanksgiving and tell them about some of the things that God was doing in my life. I also got the chance to share a little bit in church. (After I sat down I thought of like 5 more things I would have liked to share....oh well.)
But one of the hugest things was the way that God revealed to me exactly what it is that I need to pray for regarding the River Center. I see areas that need work, that I didn't see before. Because I was so wrapped up in what I was doing when I was still living there and everything was just "normal." But now that I've been away for awhile, and come back, I see things that God wants to do. Things that He wants to grow us in. And it's Exciting!!!
It was kind of a weird feeling to be home and around all these people that I've known my whole life. I guess I just wasn't sure what to expect because I've grown and changed so much in the last 3 months and I feel like everyone at home hasn't really seen that process so I was afraid that I would just be treated like the "old me." God did work on my heart and showed me that I didn't need to be afraid of that. And it was actually not nearly as weird as I had thought it would be. Although, my last night at home was a little bit emotional.
I didn't want to leave.
And I didn't want to stay.
After a LONG day of travel, I made it back to St. Louis. Had a rough night that night. Really stressing about what God wants me to do at the end of this year. And for some reason, it TOTALLY stresses me out to know that half of my possessions are in Oregon and half of them are in St. Louis. Not really sure why. But it does. =)
Had a little bit of a rough week back. Had an issue from the past come back up and I found myself realizing that I didn't actually remember a time when I had actually presented this particular issue to God. I guess, because I had felt like it was SO disgusting, SO wrong and SO much of a distraction, that I didn't even WANT to bother praying about it. Because that would mean I would have to think about it. God of course corrected this attitude in me a few days later....
Saturday morning we had a prophetic seminar at Jubilee. It was incredible! God spoke to so many people! And I learned so much! Amie had a word for me about the exact issue that I had dealt with that week. She said that she saw a picture of a door that was rusted shut. And I was TRYING to open it, but I wasn't strong enough. But that God wanted to actually restore this door and make it usable again. He wanted to show me the things behind this door that had been locked away and blocked off for so long.
This word of course related exactly to what God had been speaking to me that week! And actually one of the things that I had been praying for was that the prophecies that God had given to me when I was young would STILL be fulfilled! I felt like I had been praying into them when I was younger and first received them, but then as I got older and my relationship with God kinda went south, I locked them away and almost felt like I would never be able to access them. I KNOW that those thoughts aren't from God and the word from Amie really encouraged me to keep praying and believing that God still wants to do those things in my life!
Which leads me to my next point.... Tonight we had a random prayer/worship night at Daniel & Jason's house. I was just sitting, praying, thinking about things. And for some reason when I opened my eyes to look around, I caught Elijah's eye and I KNEW that he had a word for me. But...as the night went on.....he never said anything. Till we were kinda done...(or so I thought) And he said, "actually...I have something to share with Brittney" And I was like "I knew it!" =)
He said that God wanted to remind me that I don't need to worry about what is going to happen after this year. God has already prepared the way. These dreams that I've been having, God wants to fulfill. God wants to tell me to sing out. God gifted me in that area, he's given me a new song to sing to him, a song that no one has heard before, that's what He's created me to do.
What's amazing about this is that THIS is the exact thing that I've been praying for. As a little girl I had words spoken over me about the gift of prophetic worship. And I've seen glimpses of it....I've experienced it in small ways but I've gotta be honest, it scares me! It is NOT easy to just sing out when i don't know ahead of time the words that I'm going to sing!
Along with that, Caris had a word for me that I was a caterpillar and God wanted to remind me that he was going to turn me into a beautiful butterfly...when she started saying that, Dillon, Josiah and I started cracking up laughing/crying. She has no idea about "the caterpillar thing" =)
God is so Good. He has spoken to me about literally every one of the things that I've been struggling with and praying about this week. You can't TELL me that He's not faithful!
Tomorrow is my day off, but I'm kinda feeling like trying to get a little sleep. =)
Love and miss you all!
See you on the 21st!
Monday, November 23, 2009
He is Faithful.
Little children, you are from God and have overcome them,
for he who is in you is greater than he who is in the world. 1 John 4:4
Oh man...God has been so faithful this last week. And coincidentally, Bryan's message was titled "God is Faithful" Bahaha Perhaps it wasn't a coincidence...
I've been fairly antsy the last week or so stressing about things I need to get done before Thanksgiving vacation, getting somewhat annoyed with issues with the boys, worrying about siblings back home, thinking about the transition that the River Center is going through and just wanting to be HOME again!
I've felt so distant. Like I don't really know what's happening with all these people that have been in my life for so long and it's been driving me CRAZY! I've been thinking a lot about what it's gonna be like when I go home. Wondering if it will still feel like home. Because I've changed. I'm not who I was. But no one in Oregon has seen the process of me changing. So when I get back, everyone will still treat me like I was the old Brittney. Expecting the same things from me.
Anyways, So...I've been mildly emotional. =) Ok...maybe it wasn't so "mildly" because the boys noticed it. haha. But last week God just began calming my heart in different ways.
He's shown me that while I've been concerned about going "home" and getting anxious for my plane to leave, that my attitude has been wrong this whole time. THIS is my home right now. Because the definition of a home is: The usual residence of a person, family, or household. OR the place in which one's domestic affections are centered. And right now I live in St. Louis. This is where God has placed me. THIS is my home. Never again will I only have one home. Because even when/if I leave here and move back to Oregon, a part of me will always consider this to be my home. And that's not something that should freak me out, it should actually be exciting to me. =) I am part of a family that is much bigger than the Gerigs or the Calahans.
He's shown me that while I've been concerned about going "home" and getting anxious for my plane to leave, that my attitude has been wrong this whole time. THIS is my home right now. Because the definition of a home is: The usual residence of a person, family, or household. OR the place in which one's domestic affections are centered. And right now I live in St. Louis. This is where God has placed me. THIS is my home. Never again will I only have one home. Because even when/if I leave here and move back to Oregon, a part of me will always consider this to be my home. And that's not something that should freak me out, it should actually be exciting to me. =) I am part of a family that is much bigger than the Gerigs or the Calahans.
Ok, So.....Wednesday we had a meeting with Curt. It was our monthly "relationship meeting" and the four of us got super deep and personal about issues we've been having with each other. Honestly, it was pretty intense. But it ended really well. And afterward I felt a huge weight lifted off my back. The awkwardness was gone. (Thank God! I was about to lose my mind...)
Friday night we had a surprise party for a friend. We all had a great time. The whole night Dillon was trying to get people to pray and worship....no one was interested in that moment. lol So...after a bunch of people left, there was like 6 of us still there and someone got out the guitar. =) Me gusta. It was an amazing time of prayer and worship! And JUST what I needed! God spoke to Dillon about Cory. And calmed my heart about that whole situation.
Then last night we had a prayer and worship night to pray for Mobilise USA. And I'm not gonna lie, I was distracted. I was thinking about things that I'm stressed about and having a really hard time focusing. So, we started to pray for specific people that we want to come to Mobilise. Then Dillon said that thought we should pray for me and my influence in Oregon. So, as this group of people is praying for me, I just began to see God's heart for the River Center. And how He wants us to prosper. He has placed the River Center in this family of churches for a purpose and it's so exciting to be a part of it! And what's even more exciting to me is that He wants to us ME to convey that love and vision of New Frontiers to the River Center! Gah! Scary! But exciting all at the same time. Hearing them all pray over me made me realize something, I don't have to be concerned about what people are going to see me as when I go home. Because, God has already prepared the way. HE is already preparing people's hearts for what I'm going to say. And More amazing than that, HE is already preparing what I'm going to say! Because, I surely don't know what the heck it's gonna be. =)
Anyways, this whole week has been an amazing reminder of just how good God is to me.
I'm excited for Thanksgiving break! =)
It's gonna be a BLAST!
AHH! I just wanna scream! =)
K....I'm gonna go finish my reading, and get things together for Wednesday! We're leavin at the crack of dawn! =)
Love and Miss you all!
I'm excited for Thanksgiving break! =)
It's gonna be a BLAST!
AHH! I just wanna scream! =)
K....I'm gonna go finish my reading, and get things together for Wednesday! We're leavin at the crack of dawn! =)
Love and Miss you all!
Thursday, November 12, 2009
An Encounter of the Furry Sort
So…We’re in the car on our way to Wentzville…and I figured that instead of sitting here thinking about all the things I can blog about…I’d actually type it out. =)
Lately I’ve been thinking about heaven a lot. =) And let me just tell you….I am excited. Lol I mean….I’ve always been “excited” for Heaven. But it’s never really been something that I consciously think about on a daily basis. I was reading my Bible the other day…and this random thought popped into my head.....In Heaven….I get to play with Lions. LIONS! =O Dude…that’s amazing.
The wolf shall dwell with the lamb, and the leopard shall lie down with the young goat, and the calf and the lion and the fattened calf together; and a little child shall lead them. Isaiah 11:6
Ha. That makes me laugh out loud when I think about it. =) And the boys in the car are probably wondering what on earth I’m chuckling about. =) Oh well…
I’m not sure exactly how to put this into words…but another thing I’ve really been thinking and praying about a lot lately is for God to remind me that this life on earth is temporary. I mean, I KNOW that in my head. But do I actually live that way? I understand that money, clothes, furniture is temporary…and that’s typically what I think of as “treasures on earth” (ya know, those things we aren’t supposed to store up?) But as I’ve been praying about it God has really shown me that it’s so much more than just material things. It can be anything. An attitude, a relationship, a desire… When focusing on any of those things, I should be thinking about it with eternity in mind. HOW is this going to affect me in eternity? Or will it? Or perhaps more importantly HOW is this ultimately bringing glory to God’s name? Or again, is it?
There are multiple examples of things in my life that I’m reevaluating and thinking about….wondering just how important some of them are. I’m not going to go into detail because some of it I’m still in the process of changing and other stuff is kinda personal But…I just wanted to put that out there…it always helps to write things like this out so that I don’t forget it and even while I’m typing I’m thinking of new things. =)
God is so good.
Another thing I’ve just been amazed by lately is the fact that the GOD of the UNIVERSE speaks to me. I know I’ve blogged about this before but I guess it’s just something I’m continually shocked by Now what I say “Speaks” I’m not saying that I hear God’s audible voice daily. I just mean that when I pray there is something inside of me (the Holy Spirit) and puts thoughts and ideas in my head that weren’t there before…things that I can’t come up with on my own cuz I’m just not that smart. It’s also amazing to see how He reveals Himself to me as I continue to be faithful in doing what He asks. Not gonna lie…it’s hard sometimes. The Holy Spirit does NOT always make me feel comfortable. Sometimes I feel the urge to go pray for someone about I don’t even KNOW what….and I’m like “God…this is NOT cool….how can I just ask this person if I can pray for them when I don’t know what I’m praying for? What if…I look like a retard and I have nothing to say???” But the thing is, once I get over that and just submit to God’s authority in my life, realizing that he has NEVER let me down….I do what I know I should do…and God always comes through. Bringing words that I don’t even know how they come out of my lips…they just do.
I’m falling more and more in love with Jesus.
Completely amazed and humbled by His faithfulness to me.
What else do I need in life?
*sigh of happiness*
Although 90% of the time lately I feel like I’m going to explode if I have one more thing to put on my calendar...I’ve decided to take things one day at a time. That’s all I can do anyways, right? =) Freaking out gets me nowhere. (Except in a place of wanting to hurt three young men….) haha
On THAT note…the team aspect of things is going pretty well. I think we still struggle with learning to communicate with each other. And because of that we sometimes misunderstand things and someone gets offended by another person when that person isn’t even aware that what they said was offensive….Oh boy oh boy. This year is going to be such a dynamic year of growing for all 4 of us. =) It’s wonderful….haha (No sarcasm there…I promise)
“ALL of my life, in every season, YOU ARE STILL GOD, I have a reason to sing. I have a reason to worship.” =)
(sorry….it’s on the radio and I LOVE that part!)
K….we’re almost to Rick’s house….
Love and miss you all!
Ok...So I WAS done blogging..and it's nearly midnight and I'm just now getting around to posting this. (didn't have internet in the car...)
But...I have something more to say! And here it is. =)
So...we get to Rick's. Eat Lunch. Drive to go on a prayer walk. We're in the car. and I'm frustrated. During lunch, you could have cut the tension with a knife. Besides the fact that at all times I have a constant list in my brain of all the things I need to get done. Basically, I'm a work in progress.... Anyways...
So we decide to go on our walks separately instead of in pairs like we always do. So...45 minutes alone...just me and God. Praying...
I walk and walk and walk...and find a road with railing on one side blocking off a big drop off with a batrillion leaves and trees and stuff. So I pause. Sometimes I just like to look at creation. =) I'm standing there praying. I can hear crickets and birds and I keep hearing little things all over rustling the leaves. And I prayed this "God, if it's not too much to ask, could you just show me SOMETHING that will warm my heart? Just like...a little sign of your love for me. I could use a little hug..." So..I'm standing....looking....Nothing.
So...I'm just bein real here...I was like, "Ok, God...I understand that you're not my genie...I shouldn't just like ask you to do magic tricks." (Secretly still wanting SOME sort of something..) And i open my eyes and on the ground next to me..is this...
Now...anyone who knows me or has been reading this blog should know that God gives me caterpillars when i need them most. You can read about one particular time here. And as I'm walking (yes I KNOW this is silly...but bare with me) God spoke to me through this fuzzy little dude. I'm walking and praying with him on my hands...and he's crawling SO fast that I'm constantly putting one hand in front of the other so he doesn't fall and splat on the pavement. And this little dude was totally content just crawling, full speed, from one of my hands to the other, and on and on and on, pooping occasionally. =) And in that moment, I had this thought. One hand at a time. When he got to the end of my hand....my next hand was there for him to keep going....and when he got to the end of that one...same thing. But one thing was for sure, the little fur twig did not slow down!
Now...me and this little dude should be similar. I mean...one of us is slightly less furry and log-shaped. But...ya know. =)
Why can't I just GO...full speed. At all times. Trusting that God has His hand laid out guiding me as soon as I get to the end of this one?
DUH.
Ok...I need to go to sleep. And I think you get the picture. I'm SORRY this post is soooooooo long. But yeah...I gotta write this stuff down! =)
Ok...once again (for real this time)
Love and miss you all!!!
Lately I’ve been thinking about heaven a lot. =) And let me just tell you….I am excited. Lol I mean….I’ve always been “excited” for Heaven. But it’s never really been something that I consciously think about on a daily basis. I was reading my Bible the other day…and this random thought popped into my head.....In Heaven….I get to play with Lions. LIONS! =O Dude…that’s amazing.
The wolf shall dwell with the lamb, and the leopard shall lie down with the young goat, and the calf and the lion and the fattened calf together; and a little child shall lead them. Isaiah 11:6
Ha. That makes me laugh out loud when I think about it. =) And the boys in the car are probably wondering what on earth I’m chuckling about. =) Oh well…
I’m not sure exactly how to put this into words…but another thing I’ve really been thinking and praying about a lot lately is for God to remind me that this life on earth is temporary. I mean, I KNOW that in my head. But do I actually live that way? I understand that money, clothes, furniture is temporary…and that’s typically what I think of as “treasures on earth” (ya know, those things we aren’t supposed to store up?) But as I’ve been praying about it God has really shown me that it’s so much more than just material things. It can be anything. An attitude, a relationship, a desire… When focusing on any of those things, I should be thinking about it with eternity in mind. HOW is this going to affect me in eternity? Or will it? Or perhaps more importantly HOW is this ultimately bringing glory to God’s name? Or again, is it?
There are multiple examples of things in my life that I’m reevaluating and thinking about….wondering just how important some of them are. I’m not going to go into detail because some of it I’m still in the process of changing and other stuff is kinda personal But…I just wanted to put that out there…it always helps to write things like this out so that I don’t forget it and even while I’m typing I’m thinking of new things. =)
God is so good.
Another thing I’ve just been amazed by lately is the fact that the GOD of the UNIVERSE speaks to me. I know I’ve blogged about this before but I guess it’s just something I’m continually shocked by Now what I say “Speaks” I’m not saying that I hear God’s audible voice daily. I just mean that when I pray there is something inside of me (the Holy Spirit) and puts thoughts and ideas in my head that weren’t there before…things that I can’t come up with on my own cuz I’m just not that smart. It’s also amazing to see how He reveals Himself to me as I continue to be faithful in doing what He asks. Not gonna lie…it’s hard sometimes. The Holy Spirit does NOT always make me feel comfortable. Sometimes I feel the urge to go pray for someone about I don’t even KNOW what….and I’m like “God…this is NOT cool….how can I just ask this person if I can pray for them when I don’t know what I’m praying for? What if…I look like a retard and I have nothing to say???” But the thing is, once I get over that and just submit to God’s authority in my life, realizing that he has NEVER let me down….I do what I know I should do…and God always comes through. Bringing words that I don’t even know how they come out of my lips…they just do.
I’m falling more and more in love with Jesus.
Completely amazed and humbled by His faithfulness to me.
What else do I need in life?
*sigh of happiness*
Although 90% of the time lately I feel like I’m going to explode if I have one more thing to put on my calendar...I’ve decided to take things one day at a time. That’s all I can do anyways, right? =) Freaking out gets me nowhere. (Except in a place of wanting to hurt three young men….) haha
On THAT note…the team aspect of things is going pretty well. I think we still struggle with learning to communicate with each other. And because of that we sometimes misunderstand things and someone gets offended by another person when that person isn’t even aware that what they said was offensive….Oh boy oh boy. This year is going to be such a dynamic year of growing for all 4 of us. =) It’s wonderful….haha (No sarcasm there…I promise)
“ALL of my life, in every season, YOU ARE STILL GOD, I have a reason to sing. I have a reason to worship.” =)
(sorry….it’s on the radio and I LOVE that part!)
K….we’re almost to Rick’s house….
Love and miss you all!
Ok...So I WAS done blogging..and it's nearly midnight and I'm just now getting around to posting this. (didn't have internet in the car...)
But...I have something more to say! And here it is. =)
So...we get to Rick's. Eat Lunch. Drive to go on a prayer walk. We're in the car. and I'm frustrated. During lunch, you could have cut the tension with a knife. Besides the fact that at all times I have a constant list in my brain of all the things I need to get done. Basically, I'm a work in progress.... Anyways...
So we decide to go on our walks separately instead of in pairs like we always do. So...45 minutes alone...just me and God. Praying...
I walk and walk and walk...and find a road with railing on one side blocking off a big drop off with a batrillion leaves and trees and stuff. So I pause. Sometimes I just like to look at creation. =) I'm standing there praying. I can hear crickets and birds and I keep hearing little things all over rustling the leaves. And I prayed this "God, if it's not too much to ask, could you just show me SOMETHING that will warm my heart? Just like...a little sign of your love for me. I could use a little hug..." So..I'm standing....looking....Nothing.
So...I'm just bein real here...I was like, "Ok, God...I understand that you're not my genie...I shouldn't just like ask you to do magic tricks." (Secretly still wanting SOME sort of something..) And i open my eyes and on the ground next to me..is this...
Now...anyone who knows me or has been reading this blog should know that God gives me caterpillars when i need them most. You can read about one particular time here. And as I'm walking (yes I KNOW this is silly...but bare with me) God spoke to me through this fuzzy little dude. I'm walking and praying with him on my hands...and he's crawling SO fast that I'm constantly putting one hand in front of the other so he doesn't fall and splat on the pavement. And this little dude was totally content just crawling, full speed, from one of my hands to the other, and on and on and on, pooping occasionally. =) And in that moment, I had this thought. One hand at a time. When he got to the end of my hand....my next hand was there for him to keep going....and when he got to the end of that one...same thing. But one thing was for sure, the little fur twig did not slow down!
Now...me and this little dude should be similar. I mean...one of us is slightly less furry and log-shaped. But...ya know. =)
Why can't I just GO...full speed. At all times. Trusting that God has His hand laid out guiding me as soon as I get to the end of this one?
DUH.
Ok...I need to go to sleep. And I think you get the picture. I'm SORRY this post is soooooooo long. But yeah...I gotta write this stuff down! =)
Ok...once again (for real this time)
Love and miss you all!!!
Sunday, November 8, 2009
Hmmm....
APPARENTLY I haven't been too motivated to blog lately. Ooooops.
Anyways...I don't have any super important thing to talk about...maybe that's why. So...I guess I will just share with all ya'll a couple of things that God's placed on my heart lately. =)
FIRST of all...I have been in LOVE with this song lately & I find myself singing "You are holy, great and mighty, the moon and the stars declare who you are. I'm so unworthy, but still you love me. Forever my heart will sing of how great you are." Gah! What lyrics! What truth. =)
Anyways, That's what I've had on my mind lately. When we're out at some college campus doing surveys and in my own strength...I do NOT want to be talking to random strangers, I find myself out loud saying "The POWER of Christ compels you!" I start to get caught up in the fact that this is SO outside of my comfort zone that it's not even funny...and I begin to pray that God would change my attitude. Suddenly I notice different things about people. Instead of seeing them all as mass quantities of people that I don't know, I see them as individuals who are lost and in desperate need of a savior and my heart breaks for them.
God is good. He is. It's a fact. Although sometimes it's hard to understand. I've decided that although it goes against every Brittney-tendency...I'm going to have to be O.K. with NOT fully understanding some things.
For example, last week we had our Bible Doctrine talk with Rick. Oh man oh man. Topic of Discussion: Election. I've been really excited for this talk because I want to understand both sides of this topic better so that I can form an opinion rather than just "going with the flow" of what everyone thinks. And here's my conclusion: I'm not going to try and convince anyone to believe on thing or another. Calvinism, Arminianism, What-the-heck-are-you-talking-about-ism. It doesn't matter. THIS topic is NOT a matte of salvation. This topic should NOT divide churches. Don't get me wrong, you should KNOW what you believe and you should stand firm in it.
But here's the thing: believing one side over the other is not going to cause you to go to hell. I have an opinion, and if someone asked me what it was, I would share it. But at the same time, I don't feel the need to convince everyone to believe the same thing I do.
In praying about it, I feel like God was telling me that there are some things that the human mind can't understand. Bryan's sermon today was titled "God is Just" (On a side note....you really should check out this and other sermons in "The God Series." they have ALL been incredible!)
Anyways...while he was talking...I was thinking about how even God's justice is hard for us to fathom! I mean when a young person dies, we're like "What the?!?! HOW is THAT just?!?!" But at the same time, we who are sinners are offered eternal life through the sinless one's death on a cross...Wait wait wait...now THAT is injustice!
So...I'm ok with not understanding everything fully.
I know without a doubt that God is immeasurably greater than I can understand. That's all I need to know. =)
Enough about that...Umm....what else? Been kinda busy lately. Really thinking about the importance of family and what a blessing they are. I'm SOOO excited to go home and see everyone! Oh how I love Christmas. =)
Well...I think I'm gonna try to finish up my reading for the week so that my Monday-off can actually BE a Monday off. =)
Love and miss you all!
Anyways...I don't have any super important thing to talk about...maybe that's why. So...I guess I will just share with all ya'll a couple of things that God's placed on my heart lately. =)
FIRST of all...I have been in LOVE with this song lately & I find myself singing "You are holy, great and mighty, the moon and the stars declare who you are. I'm so unworthy, but still you love me. Forever my heart will sing of how great you are." Gah! What lyrics! What truth. =)
Anyways, That's what I've had on my mind lately. When we're out at some college campus doing surveys and in my own strength...I do NOT want to be talking to random strangers, I find myself out loud saying "The POWER of Christ compels you!" I start to get caught up in the fact that this is SO outside of my comfort zone that it's not even funny...and I begin to pray that God would change my attitude. Suddenly I notice different things about people. Instead of seeing them all as mass quantities of people that I don't know, I see them as individuals who are lost and in desperate need of a savior and my heart breaks for them.
God is good. He is. It's a fact. Although sometimes it's hard to understand. I've decided that although it goes against every Brittney-tendency...I'm going to have to be O.K. with NOT fully understanding some things.
For example, last week we had our Bible Doctrine talk with Rick. Oh man oh man. Topic of Discussion: Election. I've been really excited for this talk because I want to understand both sides of this topic better so that I can form an opinion rather than just "going with the flow" of what everyone thinks. And here's my conclusion: I'm not going to try and convince anyone to believe on thing or another. Calvinism, Arminianism, What-the-heck-are-you-talking-about-ism. It doesn't matter. THIS topic is NOT a matte of salvation. This topic should NOT divide churches. Don't get me wrong, you should KNOW what you believe and you should stand firm in it.
But here's the thing: believing one side over the other is not going to cause you to go to hell. I have an opinion, and if someone asked me what it was, I would share it. But at the same time, I don't feel the need to convince everyone to believe the same thing I do.
In praying about it, I feel like God was telling me that there are some things that the human mind can't understand. Bryan's sermon today was titled "God is Just" (On a side note....you really should check out this and other sermons in "The God Series." they have ALL been incredible!)
Anyways...while he was talking...I was thinking about how even God's justice is hard for us to fathom! I mean when a young person dies, we're like "What the?!?! HOW is THAT just?!?!" But at the same time, we who are sinners are offered eternal life through the sinless one's death on a cross...Wait wait wait...now THAT is injustice!
So...I'm ok with not understanding everything fully.
I know without a doubt that God is immeasurably greater than I can understand. That's all I need to know. =)
Enough about that...Umm....what else? Been kinda busy lately. Really thinking about the importance of family and what a blessing they are. I'm SOOO excited to go home and see everyone! Oh how I love Christmas. =)
Well...I think I'm gonna try to finish up my reading for the week so that my Monday-off can actually BE a Monday off. =)
Love and miss you all!
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Grace grace grace.
Wow! =) God is so good. Good beyond words.
I am thoroughly amazed at how He is revealing himself to me and making things clear. There are so many things that I didn’t thoroughly understand before I came here and now I at least feel like I have a partial understanding. =) And…I know that there are multiple fountain-of-knowledge-people here that I can talk to at any time if I have a question.
So…here I am…sharing a couple of things that I have recently gained a better understanding of. =)
First off- Grace. Oh goodness gracious. There is SO much that I could say but I am going to attempt to keep it short. (anyone who reads this knows that I’m really not all that good at keeping things short…)
Ok, so, grace. Wow. We just finished reading God’s Lavish Grace. I would recommend this book to anyone. Because not only is it fascinating to learn all of the ways that God loves on us, Terry Virgo also backs up his points with scripture. Right now we’re reading a book called “A People Prepared” and in this book there’s also a great chapter on grace. When I got to this chapter, I was like…Sweet. I’ll just skim over this one. I mean, I just read an ENTIRE book on grace. WHAT could this one chapter teach me?
WRONG. =) Oh…so….WONDERFULLY wrong I was. =) I love this quote, “Make no mistake, legalism is another religion. It is not the gospel of Christ.” Whoa…….. many evangelical Christians know that the law cannot save them, but they continue to return to the law to make themselves “acceptable” to God. The book talks about how this is similar to the problem that Paul faced with the Galatians. The church there were saved by grace through faith in Jesus Christ but were being told that they needed to be circumcised in order to be saved. They were going back to their laws and traditions. Paul said to them, “How is it that you are turning back to those weak and miserable principles? Do you wish to be enslaved to them all over again? You are observing special days and months and seasons and years! I fear for you, that somehow I have wasted my efforts on you.” (Galatians 4:9-11)
According to Romans 7, we were all under the power of the law at one time. We were married to it. Terry Virgo describes the law as our husband….a very fault finding husband. Always telling us what we do wrong and never lifting a finger to help. The law makes us aware of our short comings. And we know that we can’t argue with it because “the law is always right.” All of this only leaves us feeling condemned.
So….here we are…married to the law/nagging husband. And it’s not a fun situation to be in. But, ALAS! There’s hope! =) In walks Jesus: A picture of Love, forgiveness, mercy and grace. Ooh handsome! Problem is, we can’t be married to two people at once. Yeah, bad plan. There’s no escape….. FALSE!!!!!!!!!!!!! As a Christian, you have this hope right here…ready for it? K….”You also died to the law through the body of Christ, that you might belong to another, to him who was raised from the dead, in order that we might bear fruit to God.” (Romans 7:4) OR….as Paul said, “For through the law I died to the law so that I might live for God. I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me.” (Galatians 2:19-20) Here’s the thing that his chapter taught me that I’ve never thought of before…….The LAW didn’t die. We did. Ha.
The book goes on to say that now that we’re married to Jesus, we can’t commit adultery by returning to our old husband (the law), we have died to him. Because…here’s the deal, the law can’t produce a Godly life. In Galatians 3:21, Paul says, “if a law had been given which was able to impart life, then righteousness would indeed have been based on law.” It is quite clear that the law cannot impart life. It can only draw lines of wrong and right. Praise God that we have been released from the Law so that we can serve in the newness of the Spirit and not in oldness of the letter. (Romans 7:6)
Another thing I learned in this chapter was that “justification” and “condemnation” LITERALLY mean the opposite thing. (Don’t laugh at me…)
To condemn is the declare someone guilty.
To justify is to declare someone not guilty.
Therefore, we cannot be both at the same time. If God has freely justified us, who can condemn us? If God has declared us righteous, who can declare us guilty?
Galatians 5:9 “a little yeast works through the whole batch of dough”
Yeah….Ok, so, this verse…I’ve never really thought about it as relating to the law…(I thought it was talking about sin…) UNTIL I read this book! Paul is saying that a little legalism can ruin the entire church.
The last paragraph in this book is good enough that I’m gonna type the whole thing out… =)
Here goes, “People who are genuinely freed from the bondage of legalism become highly motivated to share their newfound joy. In conclusion, it is good to remember that churches which are built on the foundation of grace are different from those built on any other foundation. They become like Zion, the joy of the whole earth. No wonder people are eager to be added to such companies and discover the joy of the Lord is their strength!”
Gah! (That was a gasp/yelp/scream of excitement) lol
Here’s the deal….God is so good. You really have no clue. For real. =) He’s better than you can fathom. And THAT makes me wanna have a little freak-out moment. Lol
THIS is the kind of stuff that I DESPERATELY want to understand better. Cuz here’s the deal…..SO many people don’t understand the concept of grace and because of that are living under the law! Good Lord, that has to be miserable! Praise God for his Grace…..
Personally…I kinda feel like not believing in the Grace of God would actually saying “what Jesus did for me isn’t quite good enough….so….I’m gonna continue to live under the law and IGNORE the fact that He sent His son to die so that I don’t have to….” Ouch….Yeah….don’t even wanna go there.
There’s so much more I want to say…but the boys are upstairs having a worship session without me…and I CAN’T TAKE IT ANY MORE!!!! =) I gotta go join them!!!
Tomorrow I shall post again….We’re in Wentzville this weekend and I’m SURE I’ll have something to say about the amazing things God is doing here!
Love and miss you all!
I am thoroughly amazed at how He is revealing himself to me and making things clear. There are so many things that I didn’t thoroughly understand before I came here and now I at least feel like I have a partial understanding. =) And…I know that there are multiple fountain-of-knowledge-people here that I can talk to at any time if I have a question.
So…here I am…sharing a couple of things that I have recently gained a better understanding of. =)
First off- Grace. Oh goodness gracious. There is SO much that I could say but I am going to attempt to keep it short. (anyone who reads this knows that I’m really not all that good at keeping things short…)
Ok, so, grace. Wow. We just finished reading God’s Lavish Grace. I would recommend this book to anyone. Because not only is it fascinating to learn all of the ways that God loves on us, Terry Virgo also backs up his points with scripture. Right now we’re reading a book called “A People Prepared” and in this book there’s also a great chapter on grace. When I got to this chapter, I was like…Sweet. I’ll just skim over this one. I mean, I just read an ENTIRE book on grace. WHAT could this one chapter teach me?
WRONG. =) Oh…so….WONDERFULLY wrong I was. =) I love this quote, “Make no mistake, legalism is another religion. It is not the gospel of Christ.” Whoa…….. many evangelical Christians know that the law cannot save them, but they continue to return to the law to make themselves “acceptable” to God. The book talks about how this is similar to the problem that Paul faced with the Galatians. The church there were saved by grace through faith in Jesus Christ but were being told that they needed to be circumcised in order to be saved. They were going back to their laws and traditions. Paul said to them, “How is it that you are turning back to those weak and miserable principles? Do you wish to be enslaved to them all over again? You are observing special days and months and seasons and years! I fear for you, that somehow I have wasted my efforts on you.” (Galatians 4:9-11)
According to Romans 7, we were all under the power of the law at one time. We were married to it. Terry Virgo describes the law as our husband….a very fault finding husband. Always telling us what we do wrong and never lifting a finger to help. The law makes us aware of our short comings. And we know that we can’t argue with it because “the law is always right.” All of this only leaves us feeling condemned.
So….here we are…married to the law/nagging husband. And it’s not a fun situation to be in. But, ALAS! There’s hope! =) In walks Jesus: A picture of Love, forgiveness, mercy and grace. Ooh handsome! Problem is, we can’t be married to two people at once. Yeah, bad plan. There’s no escape….. FALSE!!!!!!!!!!!!! As a Christian, you have this hope right here…ready for it? K….”You also died to the law through the body of Christ, that you might belong to another, to him who was raised from the dead, in order that we might bear fruit to God.” (Romans 7:4) OR….as Paul said, “For through the law I died to the law so that I might live for God. I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me.” (Galatians 2:19-20) Here’s the thing that his chapter taught me that I’ve never thought of before…….The LAW didn’t die. We did. Ha.
The book goes on to say that now that we’re married to Jesus, we can’t commit adultery by returning to our old husband (the law), we have died to him. Because…here’s the deal, the law can’t produce a Godly life. In Galatians 3:21, Paul says, “if a law had been given which was able to impart life, then righteousness would indeed have been based on law.” It is quite clear that the law cannot impart life. It can only draw lines of wrong and right. Praise God that we have been released from the Law so that we can serve in the newness of the Spirit and not in oldness of the letter. (Romans 7:6)
Another thing I learned in this chapter was that “justification” and “condemnation” LITERALLY mean the opposite thing. (Don’t laugh at me…)
To condemn is the declare someone guilty.
To justify is to declare someone not guilty.
Therefore, we cannot be both at the same time. If God has freely justified us, who can condemn us? If God has declared us righteous, who can declare us guilty?
Galatians 5:9 “a little yeast works through the whole batch of dough”
Yeah….Ok, so, this verse…I’ve never really thought about it as relating to the law…(I thought it was talking about sin…) UNTIL I read this book! Paul is saying that a little legalism can ruin the entire church.
The last paragraph in this book is good enough that I’m gonna type the whole thing out… =)
Here goes, “People who are genuinely freed from the bondage of legalism become highly motivated to share their newfound joy. In conclusion, it is good to remember that churches which are built on the foundation of grace are different from those built on any other foundation. They become like Zion, the joy of the whole earth. No wonder people are eager to be added to such companies and discover the joy of the Lord is their strength!”
Gah! (That was a gasp/yelp/scream of excitement) lol
Here’s the deal….God is so good. You really have no clue. For real. =) He’s better than you can fathom. And THAT makes me wanna have a little freak-out moment. Lol
THIS is the kind of stuff that I DESPERATELY want to understand better. Cuz here’s the deal…..SO many people don’t understand the concept of grace and because of that are living under the law! Good Lord, that has to be miserable! Praise God for his Grace…..
Personally…I kinda feel like not believing in the Grace of God would actually saying “what Jesus did for me isn’t quite good enough….so….I’m gonna continue to live under the law and IGNORE the fact that He sent His son to die so that I don’t have to….” Ouch….Yeah….don’t even wanna go there.
There’s so much more I want to say…but the boys are upstairs having a worship session without me…and I CAN’T TAKE IT ANY MORE!!!! =) I gotta go join them!!!
Tomorrow I shall post again….We’re in Wentzville this weekend and I’m SURE I’ll have something to say about the amazing things God is doing here!
Love and miss you all!
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