There's no place like home for the holidays...

Once again it’s been awhile since I’ve blogged. My only excuse is that it’s been crazy busy since I got back from Thanksgiving. =) Right now I’m sitting in the St. Louis Airport, waiting for my flight back to Portland. (with a small stop in Phoenix) I found a pretty sweet place to chill for the next hour as I wait to board. Laptop plug-in and all! The only downside is that this stool is TOO tall for me and my legs can’t reach the ground =( AND there’s someone sitting RIGHT in front of me….pretty sure we’ve made awkward eye contact at least fifteen times in the last five minutes. *gulp*

It sure has been an amazing couple of weeks though. God has done some amazing things!

I THOUGHT that going home for Thanksgiving would give me clarity about whether or not I’m supposed to stay in the Lou after year team. However: that did not happen. =) I will say that I for sure HAVE fallen more in love with this place and the people here in the last 3 weeks. But…no decision as of yet.

I’m ok with that though. The last few weeks have just been so packed full of God and His faithfulness. I’m not really all that worried about it. I know that HE knows my need to plan things…and I really feel like He’s gonna let me know…when I need to know. =) And probably not a minute sooner. =) (or later)

I guess to sum it all up, right now, I’m just…..chill. =) I was stressing….quite a lot. (typical of me) But in the last few weeks, God has LAVISHED his love me in a way I haven’t felt before. Let’s talk about it, shall we? Alrighty then =)

So…my Birthday was last Wednesday. The big 21. I’ve been looking forward to this for years and I was a LITTLE disappointed when I found out that I wouldn’t be in Oregon for it because Paula, Nancy and I have had this grand plan for a LONG time. BUT God corrected my attitude, showing me once again that HE placed me here at this moment for a reason.

The night before my birthday, Seth and Shannon suggested that I stay up till Midnight. =) BRILLIANT idea. =) They stayed awake with me, playing cards….playing more cards….then playing cards again. I really don’t think they know how much that meant to me. (well…if they’re reading this, I guess they do now) Anyways, that’s just like something that I would do back home with Gina or Nancy. And THIS is one of the things that God has been speaking to me about lately. I’ve suddenly felt like I can be my 100% ridiculous self around all these people here BECAUSE He’s placed me here and BECAUSE He knows what He’s doing! I guess that part of me was afraid of not fitting in…and another part of me was afraid of fitting in too much and wanting to stay.

SO…back to the birthday…we stayed up till Midnight, went and bought champagne. Yum. =) The next day I was supposed to be at the building until 4 and then head to Union, MO for our weekly youth group. We were having a Christmas party there that night. Renee and Samantha surprised me with kolaches. If you don’t know what those are, you have not lived. They are heavenly. For real.  So, they brought lunch not only for me but for the whole office! Everyone in the office hid in the lobby…behind pillars, behind garbage cans….And when II entered the room, they yelled surprise. Err wait, maybe I yelled surprise? Haha… =) Lunch was delicious. Amie, Dillon, Ryan, Josiah, & Jason had gone to Target the night before and bought me 21 gifts! =) AND a pile of cards signed by a bunch of different people. Yes, I definitely felt loved. =)

SO…I thought the party was over…and I was thoroughly surprised…and happy. HOWEVER, I was wrong. =) Samantha and Renee surprised me with a scavenger hunt all across the building! To find 21 items! AND….what’s even cooler than that is that most of the items were cool things that they had heard me mention at some point that I liked. Things like, the purple bag of skittles, a COLORING book with Crayola crayons, hand sanitizer, office supplies, a red spatula, and much much more. THEN we ended the hunt with the last clue, leading me to the roof of the building (where I’ve always wanted to go) AND I GOT TO RING THE BELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! =) It was pretty amazing.

Then we had the Christmas party in Union, it was blast. Exhausting, but fun. =) I think the kids liked it which was important.

This ended my birthday DAY….only to be followed by a family birthday night the next night in the Hein household. This ALSO was a blast. =) Seth and Shannon got me this awesome St. Louis coffee mug. =)

The next day we had “Year team Christmas” =) We exchanged gifts…it was pretty cool. =) Josiah had my name. He got me the St. Louis starbucks mug that I’ve been wanting since I got here. AND a cd! (Sidenote: I just love those boys. More in the last few weeks than every before. I feel like we’ve really bonded!)

Hmm…what else. I’ve started a notebook (thank you Dillon for the idea) with all of the prophecies that people speak over me…and words that God gives me. It’s been really helpful to look back over them and see all the promises that God has given to me. =) You should do the same. =)

Alright….time to take a quick restroom break and come back here to board my flight. This really has been a delightful way to pass the time. =)

Love love love you all. =)

Brit

Long time no see...

Dude! It feels like it's been forever since I've blogged.
Shame on me. =)

So...let's see.....since I last blogged, lots has happened. We'll just hit the highlights. =)

I went home for Thanksgiving and surprised everyone. THAT was a blast! I laid in bed every night for weeks thinking of different ways that I could show up and blow peoples' minds. =) It was pretty fun. I ended up not doing any of the things that I had planned. But all of the surprises were definitely successful!

A few nights before I left we were having a prayer night and God spoke through a few different people about me being a messenger to my church when I went back home. And I was so encouraged and excited to see what God wanted me to share.

I got the chance to hang out with a lot of people at our church Thanksgiving and tell them about some of the things that God was doing in my life. I also got the chance to share a little bit in church. (After I sat down I thought of like 5 more things I would have liked to share....oh well.)

But one of the hugest things was the way that God revealed to me exactly what it is that I need to pray for regarding the River Center. I see areas that need work, that I didn't see before. Because I was so wrapped up in what I was doing when I was still living there and everything was just "normal." But now that I've been away for awhile, and come back, I see things that God wants to do. Things that He wants to grow us in. And it's Exciting!!!

It was kind of a weird feeling to be home and around all these people that I've known my whole life. I guess I just wasn't sure what to expect because I've grown and changed so much in the last 3 months and I feel like everyone at home hasn't really seen that process so I was afraid that I would just be treated like the "old me." God did work on my heart and showed me that I didn't need to be afraid of that. And it was actually not nearly as weird as I had thought it would be. Although, my last night at home was a little bit emotional.

I didn't want to leave.
And I didn't want to stay.

After a LONG day of travel, I made it back to St. Louis. Had a rough night that night. Really stressing about what God wants me to do at the end of this year. And for some reason, it TOTALLY stresses me out to know that half of my possessions are in Oregon and half of them are in St. Louis. Not really sure why. But it does. =)

Had a little bit of a rough week back. Had an issue from the past come back up and I found myself realizing that I didn't actually remember a time when I had actually presented this particular issue to God. I guess, because I had felt like it was SO disgusting, SO wrong and SO much of a distraction, that I didn't even WANT to bother praying about it. Because that would mean I would have to think about it. God of course corrected this attitude in me a few days later....

Saturday morning we had a prophetic seminar at Jubilee. It was incredible! God spoke to so many people! And I learned so much! Amie had a word for me about the exact issue that I had dealt with that week. She said that she saw a picture of a door that was rusted shut. And I was TRYING to open it, but I wasn't strong enough. But that God wanted to actually restore this door and make it usable again. He wanted to show me the things behind this door that had been locked away and blocked off for so long.

This word of course related exactly to what God had been speaking to me that week! And actually one of the things that I had been praying for was that the prophecies that God had given to me when I was young would STILL be fulfilled! I felt like I had been praying into them when I was younger and first received them, but then as I got older and my relationship with God kinda went south, I locked them away and almost felt like I would never be able to access them. I KNOW that those thoughts aren't from God and the word from Amie really encouraged me to keep praying and believing that God still wants to do those things in my life!

Which leads me to my next point.... Tonight we had a random prayer/worship night at Daniel & Jason's house. I was just sitting, praying, thinking about things. And for some reason when I opened my eyes to look around, I caught Elijah's eye and I KNEW that he had a word for me. But...as the night went on.....he never said anything. Till we were kinda done...(or so I thought) And he said, "actually...I have something to share with Brittney" And I was like "I knew it!" =)

He said that God wanted to remind me that I don't need to worry about what is going to happen after this year. God has already prepared the way. These dreams that I've been having, God wants to fulfill. God wants to tell me to sing out. God gifted me in that area, he's given me a new song to sing to him, a song that no one has heard before, that's what He's created me to do.

What's amazing about this is that THIS is the exact thing that I've been praying for. As a little girl I had words spoken over me about the gift of prophetic worship. And I've seen glimpses of it....I've experienced it in small ways but I've gotta be honest, it scares me! It is NOT easy to just sing out when i don't know ahead of time the words that I'm going to sing!

Along with that, Caris had a word for me that I was a caterpillar and God wanted to remind me that he was going to turn me into a beautiful butterfly...when she started saying that, Dillon, Josiah and I started cracking up laughing/crying. She has no idea about "the caterpillar thing" =)

God is so Good. He has spoken to me about literally every one of the things that I've been struggling with and praying about this week. You can't TELL me that He's not faithful!

Tomorrow is my day off, but I'm kinda feeling like trying to get a little sleep. =)

Love and miss you all!
See you on the 21st!

He is Faithful.

Little children, you are from God and have overcome them, 

for he who is in you is greater than he who is in the world. 1 John 4:4

Oh man...God has been so faithful this last week. And coincidentally, Bryan's message was titled "God is Faithful" Bahaha Perhaps it wasn't a coincidence...

I've been fairly antsy the last week or so stressing about things I need to get done before Thanksgiving vacation, getting somewhat annoyed with issues with the boys, worrying about siblings back home, thinking about the transition that the River Center is going through and just wanting to be HOME again!

I've felt so distant. Like I don't really know what's happening with all these people that have been in my life for so long and it's been driving me CRAZY! I've been thinking a lot about what it's gonna be like when I go home. Wondering if it will still feel like home. Because I've changed. I'm not who I was. But no one in Oregon has seen the process of me changing. So when I get back, everyone will still treat me like I was the old Brittney. Expecting the same things from me.

Anyways, So...I've been mildly emotional. =) Ok...maybe it wasn't so "mildly" because the boys noticed it. haha. But last week God just began calming my heart in different ways.

He's shown me that while I've been concerned about going "home" and getting anxious for my plane to leave, that my attitude has been wrong this whole time. THIS is my home right now. Because the definition of a home is: The usual residence of a person, family, or household. OR the place in which one's domestic affections are centered. And right now I live in St. Louis. This is where God has placed me. THIS is my home. Never again will I only have one home. Because even when/if I leave here and move back to Oregon, a part of me will always consider this to be my home. And that's not something that should freak me out, it should actually be exciting to me. =) I am part of a family that is much bigger than the Gerigs or the Calahans.

Ok, So.....Wednesday we had a meeting with Curt. It was our monthly "relationship meeting" and the four of us got super deep and personal about issues we've been having with each other. Honestly, it was pretty intense. But it ended really well. And afterward I felt a huge weight lifted off my back. The awkwardness was gone. (Thank God! I was about to lose my mind...)

Friday night we had a surprise party for a friend. We all had a great time. The whole night Dillon was trying to get people to pray and worship....no one was interested in that moment. lol So...after a bunch of people left, there was like 6 of us still there and someone got out the guitar. =) Me gusta. It was an amazing time of prayer and worship! And JUST what I needed! God spoke to Dillon about Cory. And calmed my heart about that whole situation.

Then last night we had a prayer and worship night to pray for Mobilise USA. And I'm not gonna lie, I was distracted. I was thinking about things that I'm stressed about and having a really hard time focusing. So, we started to pray for specific people that we want to come to Mobilise. Then Dillon said that thought we should pray for me and my influence in Oregon. So, as this group of people is praying for me, I just began to see God's heart for the River Center. And how He wants us to prosper. He has placed the River Center in this family of churches for a purpose and it's so exciting to be a part of it! And what's even more exciting to me is that He wants to us ME to convey that love and vision of New Frontiers to the River Center! Gah! Scary! But exciting all at the same time. Hearing them all pray over me made me realize something, I don't have to be concerned about what people are going to see me as when I go home. Because, God has already prepared the way. HE is already preparing people's hearts for what I'm going to say. And More amazing than that, HE is already preparing what I'm going to say! Because, I surely don't know what the heck it's gonna be. =)

Anyways, this whole week has been an amazing reminder of just how good God is to me.

I'm excited for Thanksgiving break! =)
It's gonna be a BLAST!
AHH! I just wanna scream! =)

K....I'm gonna go finish my reading, and get things together for Wednesday! We're leavin at the crack of dawn! =)

Love and Miss you all!

An Encounter of the Furry Sort

So…We’re in the car on our way to Wentzville…and I figured that instead of sitting here thinking about all the things I can blog about…I’d actually type it out. =)

Lately I’ve been thinking about heaven a lot. =) And let me just tell you….I am excited. Lol I mean….I’ve always been “excited” for Heaven. But it’s never really been something that I consciously think about on a daily basis. I was reading my Bible the other day…and this random thought popped into my head.....In Heaven….I get to play with Lions. LIONS! =O Dude…that’s amazing.

The wolf shall dwell with the lamb, and the leopard shall lie down with the young goat, and the calf and the lion and the fattened calf together; and a little child shall lead them. Isaiah 11:6

Ha. That makes me laugh out loud when I think about it. =) And the boys in the car are probably wondering what on earth I’m chuckling about. =) Oh well…

I’m not sure exactly how to put this into words…but another thing I’ve really been thinking and praying about a lot lately is for God to remind me that this life on earth is temporary. I mean, I KNOW that in my head. But do I actually live that way? I understand that money, clothes, furniture is temporary…and that’s typically what I think of as “treasures on earth” (ya know, those things we aren’t supposed to store up?) But as I’ve been praying about it God has really shown me that it’s so much more than just material things. It can be anything. An attitude, a relationship, a desire… When focusing on any of those things, I should be thinking about it with eternity in mind. HOW is this going to affect me in eternity? Or will it? Or perhaps more importantly HOW is this ultimately bringing glory to God’s name? Or again, is it?

There are multiple examples of things in my life that I’m reevaluating and thinking about….wondering just how important some of them are. I’m not going to go into detail because some of it I’m still in the process of changing  and other stuff is kinda personal  But…I just wanted to put that out there…it always helps to write things like this out so that I don’t forget it and even while I’m typing I’m thinking of new things. =)

God is so good.

Another thing I’ve just been amazed by lately is the fact that the GOD of the UNIVERSE speaks to me. I know I’ve blogged about this before but I guess it’s just something I’m continually shocked by  Now what I say “Speaks” I’m not saying that I hear God’s audible voice daily. I just mean that when I pray there is something inside of me (the Holy Spirit) and puts thoughts and ideas in my head that weren’t there before…things that I can’t come up with on my own cuz I’m just not that smart.  It’s also amazing to see how He reveals Himself to me as I continue to be faithful in doing what He asks. Not gonna lie…it’s hard sometimes. The Holy Spirit does NOT always make me feel comfortable. Sometimes I feel the urge to go pray for someone about I don’t even KNOW what….and I’m like “God…this is NOT cool….how can I just ask this person if I can pray for them when I don’t know what I’m praying for? What if…I look like a retard and I have nothing to say???” But the thing is, once I get over that and just submit to God’s authority in my life, realizing that he has NEVER let me down….I do what I know I should do…and God always comes through. Bringing words that I don’t even know how they come out of my lips…they just do.

I’m falling more and more in love with Jesus.
Completely amazed and humbled by His faithfulness to me.
What else do I need in life?

*sigh of happiness*

Although 90% of the time lately I feel like I’m going to explode if I have one more thing to put on my calendar...I’ve decided to take things one day at a time. That’s all I can do anyways, right? =) Freaking out gets me nowhere. (Except in a place of wanting to hurt three young men….) haha

On THAT note…the team aspect of things is going pretty well. I think we still struggle with learning to communicate with each other. And because of that we sometimes misunderstand things and someone gets offended by another person when that person isn’t even aware that what they said was offensive….Oh boy oh boy. This year is going to be such a dynamic year of growing for all 4 of us. =) It’s wonderful….haha (No sarcasm there…I promise)

“ALL of my life, in every season, YOU ARE STILL GOD, I have a reason to sing. I have a reason to worship.” =)
(sorry….it’s on the radio and I LOVE that part!)

K….we’re almost to Rick’s house….

Love and miss you all!

Ok...So I WAS done blogging..and it's nearly midnight and I'm just now getting around to posting this. (didn't have internet in the car...)

But...I have something more to say! And here it is. =)
So...we get to Rick's. Eat Lunch. Drive to go on a prayer walk. We're in the car. and I'm frustrated. During lunch, you could have cut the tension with a knife. Besides the fact that at all times I have a constant list in my brain of all the things I need to get done. Basically, I'm a work in progress.... Anyways...
So we decide to go on our walks separately instead of in pairs like we always do. So...45 minutes alone...just me and God. Praying...
I walk and walk and walk...and find a road with railing on one side blocking off a big drop off with a batrillion leaves and trees and stuff. So I pause. Sometimes I just like to look at creation. =) I'm standing there praying. I can hear crickets and birds and I keep hearing little things all over rustling the leaves. And I prayed this "God, if it's not too much to ask, could you just show me SOMETHING that will warm my heart? Just like...a little sign of your love for me. I could use a little hug..." So..I'm standing....looking....Nothing.

So...I'm just bein real here...I was like, "Ok, God...I understand that you're not my genie...I shouldn't just like ask you to do magic tricks." (Secretly still wanting SOME sort of something..) And i open my eyes and on the ground next to me..is this...



Now...anyone who knows me or has been reading this blog should know that God gives me caterpillars when i need them most. You can read about one particular time here. And as I'm walking (yes I KNOW this is silly...but bare with me) God spoke to me through this fuzzy little dude. I'm walking and praying with him on my hands...and he's crawling SO fast that I'm constantly putting one hand in front of the other so he doesn't fall and splat on the pavement. And this little dude was totally content just crawling, full speed, from one of my hands to the other, and on and on and on, pooping occasionally. =) And in that moment, I had this thought. One hand at a time. When he got to the end of my hand....my next hand was there for him to keep going....and when he got to the end of that one...same thing. But one thing was for sure, the little fur twig did not slow down!

Now...me and this little dude should be similar. I mean...one of us is slightly less furry and log-shaped. But...ya know. =)

Why can't I just GO...full speed. At all times. Trusting that God has His hand laid out guiding me as soon as I get to the end of this one?

DUH.

Ok...I need to go to sleep. And I think you get the picture. I'm SORRY this post is soooooooo long. But yeah...I gotta write this stuff down! =)

Ok...once again (for real this time)
Love and miss you all!!!

Hmmm....

APPARENTLY I haven't been too motivated to blog lately. Ooooops.

Anyways...I don't have any super important thing to talk about...maybe that's why. So...I guess I will just share with all ya'll a couple of things that God's placed on my heart lately. =)

FIRST of all...I have been in LOVE with this song lately & I find myself singing "You are holy, great and mighty, the moon and the stars declare who you are. I'm so unworthy, but still you love me. Forever my heart will sing of how great you are." Gah! What lyrics! What truth. =)


Anyways, That's what I've had on my mind lately. When we're out at some college campus doing surveys and in my own strength...I do NOT want to be talking to random strangers, I find myself out loud saying "The POWER of Christ compels you!" I start to get caught up in the fact that this is SO outside of my comfort zone that it's not even funny...and I begin to pray that God would change my attitude. Suddenly I notice different things about people. Instead of seeing them all as mass quantities of people that I don't know, I see them as individuals who are lost and in desperate need of a savior and my heart breaks for them.

God is good. He is. It's a fact. Although sometimes it's hard to understand. I've decided that although it goes against every Brittney-tendency...I'm going to have to be O.K. with NOT fully understanding some things.

For example, last week we had our Bible Doctrine talk with Rick. Oh man oh man. Topic of Discussion: Election. I've been really excited for this talk because I want to understand both sides of this topic better so that I can form an opinion rather than just "going with the flow" of what everyone thinks. And here's my conclusion: I'm not going to try and convince anyone to believe on thing or another. Calvinism, Arminianism, What-the-heck-are-you-talking-about-ism. It doesn't matter. THIS topic is NOT a matte of salvation. This topic should NOT divide churches. Don't get me wrong, you should KNOW what you believe and you should stand firm in it.

But here's the thing: believing one side over the other is not going to cause you to go to hell. I have an opinion, and if someone asked me what it was, I would share it. But at the same time, I don't feel the need to convince everyone to believe the same thing I do.

In praying about it, I feel like God was telling me that there are some things that the human mind can't understand. Bryan's sermon today was titled "God is Just" (On a side note....you really should check out this and other sermons in "The God Series." they have ALL been incredible!)

Anyways...while he was talking...I was thinking about how even God's justice is hard for us to fathom! I mean when a young person dies, we're like "What the?!?! HOW is THAT just?!?!" But at the same time, we who are sinners are offered eternal life through the sinless one's death on a cross...Wait wait wait...now THAT is injustice!

So...I'm ok with not understanding everything fully.

I know without a doubt that God is immeasurably greater than I can understand. That's all I need to know. =)

Enough about that...Umm....what else? Been kinda busy lately. Really thinking about the importance of family and what a blessing they are. I'm SOOO excited to go home and see everyone! Oh how I love Christmas. =)

Well...I think I'm gonna try to finish up my reading for the week so that my Monday-off can actually BE a Monday off. =)

Love and miss you all!

Grace grace grace.

Wow! =) God is so good. Good beyond words.

I am thoroughly amazed at how He is revealing himself to me and making things clear. There are so many things that I didn’t thoroughly understand before I came here and now I at least feel like I have a partial understanding. =) And…I know that there are multiple fountain-of-knowledge-people here that I can talk to at any time if I have a question.

So…here I am…sharing a couple of things that I have recently gained a better understanding of. =)

First off- Grace. Oh goodness gracious. There is SO much that I could say but I am going to attempt to keep it short. (anyone who reads this knows that I’m really not all that good at keeping things short…)
Ok, so, grace. Wow. We just finished reading God’s Lavish Grace. I would recommend this book to anyone. Because not only is it fascinating to learn all of the ways that God loves on us, Terry Virgo also backs up his points with scripture. Right now we’re reading a book called “A People Prepared” and in this book there’s also a great chapter on grace. When I got to this chapter, I was like…Sweet. I’ll just skim over this one. I mean, I just read an ENTIRE book on grace. WHAT could this one chapter teach me?

WRONG. =) Oh…so….WONDERFULLY wrong I was. =) I love this quote, “Make no mistake, legalism is another religion. It is not the gospel of Christ.” Whoa…….. many evangelical Christians know that the law cannot save them, but they continue to return to the law to make themselves “acceptable” to God. The book talks about how this is similar to the problem that Paul faced with the Galatians. The church there were saved by grace through faith in Jesus Christ but were being told that they needed to be circumcised in order to be saved. They were going back to their laws and traditions. Paul said to them, “How is it that you are turning back to those weak and miserable principles? Do you wish to be enslaved to them all over again? You are observing special days and months and seasons and years! I fear for you, that somehow I have wasted my efforts on you.” (Galatians 4:9-11)

According to Romans 7, we were all under the power of the law at one time. We were married to it. Terry Virgo describes the law as our husband….a very fault finding husband. Always telling us what we do wrong and never lifting a finger to help. The law makes us aware of our short comings. And we know that we can’t argue with it because “the law is always right.” All of this only leaves us feeling condemned.

So….here we are…married to the law/nagging husband. And it’s not a fun situation to be in. But, ALAS! There’s hope! =) In walks Jesus: A picture of Love, forgiveness, mercy and grace. Ooh handsome! Problem is, we can’t be married to two people at once. Yeah, bad plan. There’s no escape…..

FALSE!!!!!!!!!!!!! As a Christian, you have this hope right here…ready for it? K….”You also died to the law through the body of Christ, that you might belong to another, to him who was raised from the dead, in order that we might bear fruit to God.” (Romans 7:4) OR….as Paul said, “For through the law I died to the law so that I might live for God. I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me.” (Galatians 2:19-20) Here’s the thing that his chapter taught me that I’ve never thought of before…….The LAW didn’t die. We did. Ha.

The book goes on to say that now that we’re married to Jesus, we can’t commit adultery by returning to our old husband (the law), we have died to him. Because…here’s the deal, the law can’t produce a Godly life. In Galatians 3:21, Paul says, “if a law had been given which was able to impart life, then righteousness would indeed have been based on law.” It is quite clear that the law cannot impart life. It can only draw lines of wrong and right. Praise God that we have been released from the Law so that we can serve in the newness of the Spirit and not in oldness of the letter. (Romans 7:6)

Another thing I learned in this chapter was that “justification” and “condemnation” LITERALLY mean the opposite thing. (Don’t laugh at me…)
To condemn is the declare someone guilty.
To justify is to declare someone not guilty.
Therefore, we cannot be both at the same time. If God has freely justified us, who can condemn us? If God has declared us righteous, who can declare us guilty?

Galatians 5:9 “a little yeast works through the whole batch of dough”
Yeah….Ok, so, this verse…I’ve never really thought about it as relating to the law…(I thought it was talking about sin…) UNTIL I read this book! Paul is saying that a little legalism can ruin the entire church.

The last paragraph in this book is good enough that I’m gonna type the whole thing out… =)

Here goes, “People who are genuinely freed from the bondage of legalism become highly motivated to share their newfound joy. In conclusion, it is good to remember that churches which are built on the foundation of grace are different from those built on any other foundation. They become like Zion, the joy of the whole earth. No wonder people are eager to be added to such companies and discover the joy of the Lord is their strength!”

Gah! (That was a gasp/yelp/scream of excitement) lol

Here’s the deal….God is so good. You really have no clue. For real. =) He’s better than you can fathom. And THAT makes me wanna have a little freak-out moment. Lol

THIS is the kind of stuff that I DESPERATELY want to understand better. Cuz here’s the deal…..SO many people don’t understand the concept of grace and because of that are living under the law! Good Lord, that has to be miserable! Praise God for his Grace…..

Personally…I kinda feel like not believing in the Grace of God would actually saying “what Jesus did for me isn’t quite good enough….so….I’m gonna continue to live under the law and IGNORE the fact that He sent His son to die so that I don’t have to….” Ouch….Yeah….don’t even wanna go there.

There’s so much more I want to say…but the boys are upstairs having a worship session without me…and I CAN’T TAKE IT ANY MORE!!!! =) I gotta go join them!!!

Tomorrow I shall post again….We’re in Wentzville this weekend and I’m SURE I’ll have something to say about the amazing things God is doing here!

Love and miss you all!

Sunday oh Sunday

Another Sunday here in the Lou. =)

I'm doing better. (For those of you who don't know, ((since I have a fanbase of like 3 people besides my mom and dad LOL)) Sundays away from my home church have been the hardest thing for me to get used to here)

Wow...that was a confusing paragraph. =)

ANYWAYS Today was really quite incredible. This past week has really been quite incredible. God has just been like LAVISHING His love on me! I'm LITERALLY overwhelmed! Like, on the verge of tears at all times. It's insane.

I know this sounds retarded but sometimes I'm just amazed at the amount of love that God has for me. And when I'm in that place of realizing just how incredible I am in HIS eyes....I can hardly contain my excitement.

A few examples of God's Goodness:

This last week, we (year teamers) had a time of solitude....just spending 4 hours alone with God and then talking about if afterward. I had a HARD time getting focused at first...not really sure why. But once I did, God kept revealing all of these promises to me for my life! And I was like sitting on the couch sobbing because HE has such amazing plans for my life! I'm not saying that to brag, it's just that sometimes I don't really think about it...or I start to feel like I'm really not worthy of being loved so much and I imagine myself living a mediocre life. (<-------SIN) So yeah, that day was amazing.

We also spent a few hours one day praying and worshiping in one of the rooms downstairs @ the building. And while we were praying, God spoke something very clearly to me. And once again, I'm sitting there crying. And part of me thinks, "will I EVER be at the point where I can just hear from God and not be like, totally shocked to the point of tears that he would speak to ME?" and the other part of me thinks, "I NEVER want to get to the point where God's voice is just like any other voice."

We worked at the Food Pantry on Saturday morning.....Wow. Dillon was talking with one of the people that came to volunteer. He was a younger guy, and honestly, QUITE confused about "religion" and "Christianity." He was one of those guys that knows all the facts to disprove Jesus (or thinks he does anyways) and said that he's decided that "he's just not one of the ones that God has predestined" Wow..... So Dillon was having a conversation with this guy for a LONG time, And I was standing around the corner where the guy couldn't see me...just praying my guts out. And as I was praying I could see Dillon talking to him, and Dillon's face was just lit up...I could TELL by the look in his eyes that he LOVED this guy. (A new love for people is one thing that Dillon has really been praying for) And it brought tears to my eyes because I KNOW how badly Dillon wants to just love on people in a practical way, by just talking to them, and relating with them. Anyways, Dillon is gonna keep in touch with this guy. And I KNOW that God is going to do something amazing.

So, later Dillon came up to me and said, "hey, thanks for praying for me when I was talking to that guy" and I asked him how he knew I was praying for him...and he said, "Because I saw you standing there, and I immediately felt so much love for that guy! I knew it had to be from God!"

AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! <-------------scream of excitement!

This entire post has been so scatterbrained.....because I'm so overflowing with just excitement that I don't even know how to put it into words!

God spoke to me in the food pantry....showing me how gracious He's been to me, and giving me a glimpse of what it must be like to walk in those people's shoes....

God spoke to me again in church today, telling me to go pray for someone.....

And it's so insane to me because I've never experienced God on this level for this amount of time. I mean, at conferences, sure.....at summer camp, sure....but this is like a lifestyle change and I'm so freakin stoked about it that I don't know what to do with myself. ("I'm not sure what to do with my hands" hahaha Hopefully someone knows what movie that's from...)

THEN...this weekend the Lanfermans spent time with the leaders of the River Center....and John spoke in church this morning.....and I'm so stinkin excited for everyone back home to catch onto the vision of where God is taking us! It's so phenomenally enormous. And I'm not sure that I even just used that word properly...but I don't care. =)

OH MAN I'm stoked! For what God's doing....for Lebanon.....for life. =)

Alrighty then, I think I've taken up enough of you're time....
IF you want to hear an amazing song that'll bring you to tears every time, click here....


Alright....peace out cub scouts. =)

Love and miss you all!

Common Grace & Baked Goods

It's been an entire week since I've blogged?!?!

Whoa.

I didn't even realize that it had been that long. =) My bad....

Hmmm....let's see....this week has been alright so far. (Then again, it's only Tuesday. And Tuesday is our first day back at the office. lol)

I've been on this crazy baking kick! What is my problem?!?! The other day after church I made Sour cream cookies and pumpkin bars with cream cheese frosting. Then I made Tuna casserole for Renee and I for dinner. (Seth and Shannon are out of town until Sunday) It's kinda funny cuz Renee and I joke about being like a married couple. lol Like we'll get home and sit and talk about our day.....and tonight when she got home from the gym I had dinner ready for her. lol Homemade chicken strips and mac & cheese. And Brownies.....hahaha I gotta admit, it's kind of fun having a roommate. Especially one that you get along with. =)

ANYWAYS.....Today we met with Mike Lawson to go over last week's reading. The book of Judges and a chapter in Grudem's Bible Doctrine on "Common Grace"

Ok, am I the only one that's never heard of this before? Cuz I felt like a retard reading about it...like it was a COMPLETELY new concept for me. I was like blown away.

COMMON grace....not to be confused with saving grace.

Common grace is available to anyone, even unbelievers. And there was even a section in the book that talked about how God sometimes pours out this common grace on unbelievers MORE than believers. Like, have you ever thought to yourself that it's just not fair how some people, who happen to not be Christians, are just so talented, or wealthy, or blessed with beautiful children or whatever? Yeah, Cuz I have. And Grudem talks about how God sometimes blesses unbelievers in order that they might be saved. Reminds me of an ancient song..."It's your kindness, Lord, that leads us to repentance...." Yeah. Uh huh. Crazy.

I was just like in awe of the whole concept! Call me retarded if you want. =) But I found it fascinating. I wish I had my book with me to help me out a little here...lol

Anyways, this past week has been good. Been trying to stay in touch with people...although it's sometimes difficult. I always love getting texts or facebook messages from people back home though. Gotta admit, I miss everyone alot more than I thought I would. I find myself thinking about really random people that I didn't realize that I cared that much about....(wow that makes me sound like an awful person. But it's true.)

I'm so excited to see everyone again!!! I keep telling myself, "you'll be home visiting before you know it. Just relax."

That works for the most part. =)

Well...I just finished 1 Samuel tonight and I think I'm gonna get a little bit of a head start on 2 Samuel before heading to bed.

BY THE WAY, the pastor of Jubilee here in St. Louis challenged all the staff to do a 90 day Bible challenge....(reading through the entire Bible in 90 days) So...they've all been reading their brains out. Since us year-teamers have been reading through the Bible also (at a slower pace) we waited until they caught up with us in Judges, and now I plan on reading along with them on their 90-day plan. It's pretty much a book a day. Kinda crazy....but awesome at the same time. The accountability is great and it's kinda cool to just get an overview of the Bible. So many incredible stories!

=) I love Jesus.

Alrighty then...that's all for tonight, folks. Sorry there isn't something more interesting to talk about. =)

<3 & Miss you!

One year ago today....

It's 10 am here in St. Louis....we're having a time of team worship and prayer...and as I'm sitting at my desk.....I'm thinking about where I was one year ago today. I remember because it's October 16th and today is Daniel's birthday. I was SO excited for his birthday...I love giving people presents. At this point in my life I was putting all of my identity in this relationship that was letting me down all the time. I had something extravagant planned for this special day...and once again, we started the day out by getting into a fight about something. I don't even remember what it was. The entire day was miserable. And I was devastated...

I remember one year ago today being a hopeless place. (or seemingly hopeless....) I wanted so badly to be once again in God's arms willing to do whatever He had for me, but I was SO distracted...and felt so far from what God had for me. Like...even if I DID try to get "right with God" it would be so hard and take so long that it almost seemed not worth it.

So...as I sit here right now, I'm once again, in awe of God's love for me. ONE YEAR ago...(That's not very long...) I was in a really awful place. NOT serving God with my whole heart and feeling hopeless. HOPELESS!?!?!? Hopeless couldn't be further from the truth.... It's never hopeless!

But LOOK where God has brought me? Wow. I don't even have the words to express how I feel. While I'm sitting here the song "Mighty to save" came on....

Saviour, He can move the mountains,
My God is Mighty to save,
He is Mighty to save.

So take me as You find me,
All my fears and failures,
Fill my life again.

I give my life to follow
Everything I believe in,
Now I surrender.

Wow again. I don't know what else to say...

Today is an interesting day for me..... I mean, a part of me is still sad inside. I care about Daniel. I no longer feel obligated to "help him" find his way to God....but I do care. And it's hard to see someone that you care about throwing their life away. But the other part of me wants to rejoice because GOD is SO GOOD! HE is the reason that I'm here today following Him.

"All of my life,
in every season,
YOU are still God
I have a reason to sing.
I have a reason to worship."

Not sure why I felt the need to share all this....but I did. Perhaps someone can relate to it or be encouraged by it.

Alright....better get started on my last few chapters of God's Lavish Grace...

Love and miss you all!

Tuesday night thoughts...

I'm gonna try to make this quick....I'm sleepy. =)

But these are a few things that have been on my mind lately.

Today we had our Bible Doctrine meeting with Seth.....and the topic of conversation was "God's Providence" If this is something that you've never studied or thought much about, I would encourage you to do so. I'm not gonna explain everything in here...but I'll give a few highlights. =)

For one.....I was just like blown away by the thought that GOD (The GOD of the Universe) is truly in control of every single action. I mean, think about that for a second.....I know that this is like a "yeah, duh" kinda thing....but is it something that we actually consciously think about? Yeah, probably not nearly as often as we should! I mean....

When I walk into the store and find EXACTLY what I need- GOD
When I'm in a hurry and the light turns green- GOD
When I'm climbing into bed and my pillow is just the right degree of coldness- GOD
When it starts to rain outside- GOD
When it stops raining outside- GOD
When I wake up and I'm all cozy warm but not hot- GOD
When I'm lonely and get a text from a loved one at that exact moment- GOD

I think you get the picture. Of course there IS a flip side to that too....and that things that aren't so great are also God too. God cannot do evil.(Duh) BUT God does allow evil...

Not gonna lie...that is a TOUGH concept to wrap your head around. Probably one of the toughest. Because we all know that God can't do evil...and God is NOT evil.....But...God IS in all things....There's a really great quote in the book I'm reading about this but I don't have the book with me. So you're just gonna have to take my word for it. =)

Sometimes I find myself getting frustrated with the fact that I can't wrap my tiny human brain around some of these concepts. And then I remember this....If I already knew everything, I wouldn't be seeking God to find more knowledge. =) And if I THOUGHT I knew everything, then I would be putting myself on the same level as God. And well...That's not a good place to be. =)

So yeah, that talk was really good today. Tomorrow we have a meeting with Mick Vedova to talk about budgets and financial planning. Should be good. =)

We're going to the corn maze on Friday night and carving pumpkins on Saturday. =)

I've recently decided that fall is my favorite.
And pumpkin shaped candy corn. lol Even though I've YET to see it in this state. =)

I think I'm gonna go crawl into that cozy bed that God has prepared for me. lol

Goodnight world....
Love and miss you Oregonians! =)

God is blowing my mind right now!

Ok....Honest truth, I have NO clue where to start. Because....
a) My fingers can't type fast enough
2) My brain is bursting with things to say
III) I CANNOT stop giggling and talking a MILLION miles an hour telling stories. (poor Renee...)

I am overwhelmed.

Or, in the words of Claire "Jesus is BLOWING my mind right now!"

Or the words of Tim Chambers, *spoken in an awesome Tim-voice* "Yah, God. You're GOOD!"

ha.

Ok...moving on.

This week absolutely blew my mind.

I don't care what anyone says, we have an amazing team of people. After Tim spoke on spiritual gifts I was amazed at how my view of my teamates changed. When i looked at them, i really felt like I saw them in a different light. Not focusing so much on how they function in our team.....but more on what kinds of gifts God has blessed them with. and it was AMAZING to see everyone grow in those gifts over a period of 4 days! God.....is blowing my mind! =)

After this week, I have learned so so many things but on thing that I've really grown in is learning to be obedient to God's voice. Tim talked about how every church service should include spiritual gifts being used....and also about how when we keep spiritual gifts to ourselves, or don't share a word that God has given us, we are actually hurting the church. Because God has given us something to contribute, to edify other people, and we are keeping it to ourselves. When he said that, I was immediately like...."Oh....my gosh. WHAT the heck am I thinking!" I mean....Honestly, I find myself second guessing (fairly often) when God places a word of knowledge on my heart or nudges me to do something. I sometimes convince myself that I've just made it up in my head....ignoring the pounding of my heart in my chest. Whoa. NOT OK.

At that moment when Tim said that, I felt so convicted! After that moment, I was challenged multiple times with speaking out the sometimes odd or crazy things that God would place on my heart. But it never failed to be what SOMEONE needed to hear. I even approached a girl that I felt like I needed to pray for, not knowing what to say, and before I knew it, I'm crying out to God and sobbing....And I was like, "Dude...these words are NOT coming from me." I mean, I don't even know what I said. But the second I opened my mouth, God gave me the words. It was incredible.

That was just a small example of what God did this weekend. It AMAZED me how we would spend all day doing things...and have parties in the evening, and every hang-out time turned into an intense worship and prayer session with people being touched and lives being changed. Only by the grace of God does that happen! One night I was just looking around the room at all these college-age kids worshiping their guts out and it just hit my how incredible of a sight that was! I mean, honestly.....no one wanted to play games.....or hang out....or go somewhere, we were all in agreement that worshiping God was more exciting than any of those things. How often does that happen?

The entire team was just incredible. We all clicked in a crazy way. I have never seen so many man-tears in my life! It was awesome! I mean....God shook people up. In an intense way.

Last night, we stayed up until 4am.......*Yawn* We had an amazing talked (Initiated by the boys) about how the guys can relate to the girls in more of a brother/sister kinda way. It was really cool. We, of course, felt honored that they cared enough to ask our opinions about it and I think they really appreciated our advice. It was an amazing discussion.

Afterwards we spent literally hours going around the room and saying positive things that we noticed about each person, one at a time. It was so amazing to hear what people had to say! Everyone was really encouraged by it.

Then we had a time of talking with just our own teammates and discussing things we learned and also things we need to improve on. That was REALLY good. Josiah and I got some things off our chest. (Praise God...) Chris was really encouraged by what God had done in his life. (He is LITERALLY a different person. His entire face changed. =) lol) And Dillon and I also worked through a small problem. Basically it all boiled down to a need for better communication, and more importantly, Scheduled team worship times that are HIGH priority instead of "whenever we have time" Because.....whenever-we-have-time means.....Never. =)

Leaving today was a little sad. But, also exciting. Because, the changes that we each made are so intense that I KNOW our team is going to be stronger because of it. We all learned so much about ourselves and each other. Today I found myself sitting on the couch looking across the room at Chris, Dillon, and Josiah...and just smiling because I was SO proud of them. They REALLY are amazing men of God and SO in awe of God's love for them....and hungry to receive everything that He has for them. It's pretty incredible.

On the way home Chris and I talked (for literally nearly 4 hours)
And we discussed the top three things of the week. Here's what I decided on:
1) God faithfulness revealed and proven over and over again!
2) My new awareness and appreciation for the spiritual gifts that God has placed in me and is continuing to grow.
3) This new community that I am a part of! Dillon and I were talking about how insane it was when we were hanging out with these people. I mean, it literally felt like this group and setting was what God was intending when he described the church. Just....so much passion and zeal to seek God in every single aspect and at all times! Insane.

God is blowing my mind right now! =)

*sigh*

I can't wait for our next training week. It's going to be a blast. And while I really do love all of the other people on year teams in the US.......I wouldn't trade my guys for ANY one of them. I feel like my appreciation and love for them has been multiplied by a trillion this week. I just can't WAIT to see what God is going to do in and through them! They each have such unique giftings. And together, the 4 of us WILL DO amazing things. And what's even cooler- is that it's NOT because of us. Nope, it's not! =) Jesus....did it all.

In worship this week one thing that kept coming back to be was just how in AWE I am that the GOD of the UNIVERSE chooses ME to speak to. AHHH!!!

"Who am I that you would be mindful of me?"

I mean, really, think about it? That's intense stuff....

Anyways, It's 1:30am...I haven't gotten nearly enough sleep lately and I have a full day tomorrow.

But AHHH I could go on and on for hours. But...I'm going cross eyed sitting here. And anyone who knows me knows that that's a PRETTY big deal....since I can't cross my eyes...

Oh man.....God, WHAT do you have planned!?!?! Something huge, I have no doubt.

So exciting, I could just dance. =)

I'll probably blog more tomorrow.....cuz I'm sure there are things I left out. I'm just kinda on overload right now. But it's OK! I like it. =)

Love you all.....

P.S.
Christmas is right around the corner! =)

Gah! Lee's Summit, MO!

Oh my goodness sakes.

I don't even know where to start!

Today was day one of training in Lee's Summit. We arrived yesterday evening, met most everyone and hung out for a little before Arlee and I had to head back to our host home. We lucked out.

FIRST of all...I get to stay with Arlee who happens to be quite cool. She's form St. Joe, MO and is doing year team in Portsmouth, NH. So...yeah....she's cool. SECOND of all....the house we're staying at is huge...and gorgeous...and the family here is ridiculously hospitable... Thank you God!

Ok....so today we headed to the church around 9 and had worship for an hour. Then Tommy Stanley (Lead pastor of Grace Church here in Lee's Summit) spoke to us about worship and singing a new song to the Lord. It was AMAZING! Because, I'll be honest, worship is something I'm quite passionate about...and I feel like I'm somewhat knowledgeable on the subject. I mean, every verse he had us read, was ALREADY underlined in my Bible.

HOWEVER; I can honestly say that I have never looked at Worship in quite the same way as we did today. Holy Crud. I was like....blown away! When we got done with our talk....we had a time where we were all supposed to sing our own song to the Lord. And I don't mean all at the same time....like....Tommy played the guitar and we took turns singing a song.....a song we didn't know....but a song that God gave to us right in that moment. And wow. How retarded is it that I have never done that before??? I mean, sure I do that to myself...or I sing quietly in between verses of a song....but I've never grabbed a mic, sang a song from the Lord for the purpose of edifying Him, or encouraging the church. I KNOW that this is a gift that God has given me. There isn't a doubt in my mind. It's just a matter of me being more confident in it. Alrighty then....now that we have THAT out in the open. =)

Ok...So...then we had lunch, and Tim Chambers (Pastor of the church in Joplin) spoke to us on Spiritual gifts. Holy. Macaroni. THAT BLEW MY MIND!!!!! I was just like......in awe the entire time we were talking, and writing so fast trying not to miss anything. We went through the lists in scripture talking about all of the different spiritual gifts....and let me tell you, there are ALOT! And we discussed each one and kind of it's purpose. And also discussed just Spiritual gifts in general and how we can see evidence of those.

One thing that he said really stuck out to me. He was talking about how there should be evidence of the Holy Spirit moving when we gather together for church. And gave the example of his wife calling her mom after church and asking her, "How was church today?" And her mom's response was something along the lines of, "What do you MEAN how was church? It was church....the same as it always is!"

Whoa. Our church services and gatherings should be FILLED with exciting and NEW things that God is revealing to us personally and to the body as a whole! That's what God intends...and that's what God promises!

We also talked about the verse that says that God has given spiritual gifts to EVERY BELIEVER. Every......every single one. Got it? =) Meaning, just because you don't use or practice a spiritual gift does NOT mean that you don't have one. It's means that you aren't aware of it, or sensitive to it, or just plain ignore it. =) Bad idea....trust me. It's worth it to USE IT. =)

We went through a somewhat long list of different spiritual gifts, where the Bible talks about them and then what their meaning or function is. Then afterward he asked us to all pick 2 spiritual gifts that we wanted and we were going to pray for that.

Again I say, WHOA! Intense....

So...we went down the line, everyone chose 1 or 2. Or I chose 3 cuz I couldn't decide. lol (2 were similar and tied together....lol)

Anyways, then we prayed to either receive those gifts if we didn't already have them, or just for the confidence to USE the gifts that we know we have but don't daily walk in. IT. WAS. INTENSE! (I feel like I've used that word alot in this blog. lol But...it's fairly accurate and I can't think of a better one to use.)

Then tonight we had dinner and hang out time at the Stanley's house. And after we played games, we were like, hey- let's worship! =) So...we did! We sang...and people had words for other people. And we prayed for them. And God showed up. And changes took place. I HONESTLY can tell you that lives were changed. How powerful is that?

Lately when I'm in the presence of God, I find myself doing 1 of 2 things.... Either I'm
a) LAUGHING! Because I don't know what to DO about all this joy that's like freakin' bursting out of me! or...
b) CRYING! Because I'm so in awe and overwhelmed that the God of the Universe speaks to me and more amazingly, THROUGH me! ME! Yes, me. Intense, I know. =)

ANOTHER thing God is showing me is a new love for Dillon, Chris, and Josiah. They really are all three amazing men of God. and I am SO thankful to be on a team with them! I KNOW without a doubt that GOD placed us together and it's just so exciting because we all have so many things to learn from each other and we all contribute to the team in such a different way. I just, love those dudes. =) I honestly believe that God placed me on a team with all men to teach me that there ARE men in this world that are worth loving. Because.....not gonna lie.......I have had my doubts. I mean, I have trust issues sometimes. And being on a team with these guys is forcing me to trust them.......when I didn't even know them. And it was hard for me at first. But, it's only been like 1 1/2 months and already we have this bond....and I know without a doubt that they love me like a sister and they stick up for me...and genuinely care about me and how I'm doing. It's amazing. And what's more amazing is that God has given me a brotherly love for them! When I see these guys having a hard time, I want to fix the problem- take away their hurt and I LOVE it when I see God revealing Himself to them in a new way...and watching their response to it. It's just great all around. =) I don't know what else to say. I'm running out of words and probably boring you...lol

Anyways, Tomorrow we have part 2 of each of those messages we heard today and I am POSITIVE that it's going to be amazing! Can't wait to see what God speaks to everyone. And to me! AND I can't wait to be obedient and respond to it! EVEN IF it takes boldness.... =)

What an amazing day. I think I'll go to sleep. =)

Love you all...

Song of the day & more...

"40"
Jason upton

I will not fear as I wait for the dawn, if you'll keep on holding my hand.
I'm crying out from the depths of my soul, with words I just can't understand.
You have set my feet upon a rock that's not moving.
You have placed a song of hope in my heart, and I'm singing. I'm praying.

Lord, do not hold back your loving kindness.
Lord, do not hold back your mercy.
You are the way and the truth that guides us
Everyday you are the one who preserves me.

This song is my hearts cry. I'm not sure what exactly is making me feel this way...but for some reason I just need one of those mom-hugs today. You know, the kind that ONLY your OWN mom can give you? Yeah, one of those. And one of those dad-hugs that I always try to resist. And a little sister hug.....and a little (although he's taller) brother hug. There aren't really any other hugs on earth that can replace those hugs.

I'm ok, mom. (don't buy a plane ticket!) =)

It's just one of those days. =)
Tomorrow will be better.

Yesterday we worked at the church building until 5...then headed out to go camping with the 4th-6th grade class at Jubilee. (Once again I wasn't exactly thrilled about this trip initially, but was reminded of how God has a way of humbling me when I start to get an attitude about things....they usually end up being the most amazing times! Ugh...I'm impossible sometimes!)

Anyways, We drove to Illinois to stay on some property owned by someone from Jubilee. It was beautiful out there! (Maybe that's what brought this on...) I mean, don't get me wrong, I DO miss mountains....and fir trees...and the crisp Oregon air....but It was STILL beautiful. And so peaceful...

We had a great time roasting hot dogs & marshmallows, playing in-the-dark games, and Daniel even taught the kids a little about China...and we had an amazing time of prayer. I sat there, in the dark, the familiar smell of fire wood burning, listening to these 10 year olds pray for people in China, and of course had to shed a tear or two. Those kids can PRAY! I was totally shocked...and amazed at the things they prayed for. It blessed me so much.

Today we had breakfast together and played outdoor games. The kids had a really good time. While we were in the woods, we played the spider web game. (anyone who's gone to China knows what I'm talking about!) Anyways, so we're out there...and again, I'm stinkin getting emotional just missing everyone...and as I'm walking around, I was thinking to myself, "I WONDER if they have those furry little striped yellow and black caterpillars here?" I always smile when I find one of those hangin out on a leaf in Oregon. lol So...just cuz I was being weird, I said out loud "I wish I could find a caterpillar! Jesus, help me find a caterpillar!" I got a funny look or two. =) Oh well.... He could do it, right? I mean...honestly, he could just zap one from Oregon to Missouri like BAM. =) Don't laugh! It's true....

So...anyways, we went on with our day and I got to ride the 4 wheeler. =) There's just something amazing about that feeling of the wind blowing in your face. (There's a small chance that I might be a country girl. I love all of these things WAY too much!) Then we had lunch together. I found myself praying alot throughout the day...something about that atmosphere that just makes me wanna chat with Jesus. =)

After a fun afternoon of exploring and stuff we cleaned up camp. And I was in QUITE the giggly mood as we were taking down the tents. The boys were cracking me up today. They were all in goofy moods. I love days like that. =) I'm so thankful for my team. Really, I am. (Someone remind me of this moment on days when I want to wring their necks!)

So, Dillon and I are attempting to take down the huge tent and we were having a HECK of a time getting all the air out of the stinkin thing to roll it up...so we were like throwing our bodies on the ground to smash the air out... =) And I'm laying on the tent.....my face almost on the ground, (Who cares, I was nasty gross at this point anyways! lol) And I look down.....and there, on the stinkin Missouri stinkin ground...........

A Caterpillar.

=O

Ugh. God is so good.

Caterpillars are stupid! It's not like they're super significant.....but I wanted to see one...I prayed about it....and I found one. i mean, God brought me one. =)

Now, go ahead and laugh at my little story if you'd like. But let me just tell you something, when you pray about some silly little thing, and the GOD of the UNIVERSE answers your prayer, you feel pretty loved.

=) That was pretty much the extent of my story. Sorry it's so scatter brained. lol

I'm going to go finish laundry and pack. We have 2 services tomorrow morning and then we leave immediately after church to go to Lees Summit for training week with all the other year teamers! Hooray!!!

=) I'm excited. Exhausted, but excited.

Thanks for reading my post.... =)

There is a time to study, a time to dance, and a time to breathe...

Its official....the hype of the new college environment has died down. This isn't necessarily a good thing or a bad thing, just a thing.

I'm finally to the point where the true Gina-ness is starting to come out. The sarcasm, the whit, the charm, but even more prominently the part that makes me want to just scream at people who are being stupid. But I can tell you that I have still managed to keep my self control entact throgh all of this. :)

This week has brought a lot of firsts (good/bad)....

the first weekend spent studying instead of doing fun things.

the first witness of illegal drugs being openly flaunted in downtown

the first intramural volleyball game (we OWNED by the way. :))

the first day consisting of 4 tests in a row

the first D grade I have ever gotten on a test (in a subject I totally thought I aced.)

also the first A grade on a test (thank you Lebanon Christian School for making me take Bible)

the first tears since moving day.

the first night of looking at my wall pictures for 20 min. straight.

the first bad news.

the first pre-health and science club meeting. (yeah!)

the first roommate dissagreement

and the first visit from dad.

If you can't tell from the list of firsts, it has been a pretty rough week. It's finally setting in that this is really real. There is no such thing as not meeting someone because they aren't in your classes or don't hang out with the same crowd you do. Oh no. You kind of just have to accept the fact that you are probably going to meet everyone at one point or another. You, however; determine whether you will be friends with that person or not. Thats just how it works.

So yeah...getting used to the permanent aspect of college. As well as the academic aspect of it. Just so everybody knows, I AM still liking it, and I DO still have fun. I'm just venting a little about life and the curveballs it likes to throw us sometimes.

Hopefully everyone is enjoying their Friday. :)

Miss you guys in Lebanon, and Missouri and especially Missouri....:)

-Gina

Here I go....

Here I go....blogging. Because I know I should. And because I have something to say. =) Even though, not gonna lie, I wouldn't mind going to bed right now. =)

Ok....So....It's been an o.k. week so far. I feel like I've been really busy. But looking back on the week I'm not sure what exactly I've accomplished? Hmm....

Renee and I had a little Party McHarty at our house last night. It was fun. =) Amie and Melissa cut hair, and I painted a few nails and we ended the night watching "Monsters vs. Aliens" LOVE that movie. =)

Earlier this week Bryan had encouraged us to take initiative and plan different outings and things we can do to either serve the community, or evangelize, or just help out at the church building. So today we planned on going treasure hunting. For those of you who don't know what that is, let me explain. (Cuz...I'd never heard of it until I got here)

I guess that there are different ways to do it...but what we did was we had a time of prayer and worship and you ask God to tell you where He wants you to do...or who He wants you to meet...and you make a "treasure map" with whatever information God gives you and then you go out....and find these people that are on your "treasure map" and tell them kinda what you're doing and that God pointed you to them...and you move your lips, letting God say the words, Jesus saves, party in heaven. =)

For example...Today when we were praying, all I could think about was yellow. Why yellow? I have no idea. But I didn't say anything about it and then Dillon goes...."I keep getting this picture of something yellow. Is that weird?" And I was like...."ummm....no. Me too" So we wrote down yellow =) Anyways, there were multiple things that we wrote down. But as we were praying, Josiah had a word for me about God wanting me to grow in the gift of discernment and that He has made me sensitive to people and what they're feeling. And He wants to reveal things to me if I trust Him. And What was funny about that was that I hadn't told anyone but that's something I've been praying about a lot lately!

I know that God has given me this gift. But I used to think things like: "UGH! ok...I dont' even KNOW that person, I heard something about them and now I'm sitting here crying about it. WHAT is my problem???" And lately God has been showing me that this thing that I've thought of as "weird" or "a problem" is actually something that HE has given me and I need to not only embrace it, but seek to go even deeper in it.

I was looking through old notes and things a couple weeks ago and I was reminded of a time in my life when I literally just didn't care about ANYONE but myself. And I went to Generation Unleashed one year and asked God to give me compassion for people I knew, and even strangers. And I remember sobbing at the altar...and the speaker saying that the desire that God has placed upon your heart is going to become reality.

I had forgotten about that moment until recently and when I remembered it I was like "WHAT have I been doing? THIS is the very thing I asked for...and not only have I taken it for granted, sometimes I despise it!"

((((((((SIDE NOTE: I feel like sometimes I'm exposing like every ounce of my guts when I type on here and maybe I need to be a little more private...but I have already heard a few people say that they've been encouraged by what God is doing in my life and if I'm staying up late, going cross-eyed as I type, and losing feeling in my fingers from typing so fast just for ONE person to go deeper in their relationship with God, it's worth it!)))))))

Ok....back to my story....so Josiah had that word for me, I was very encouraged and excited...we continued to pray....and God continued to speak. We left and went to places that we felt God was telling us to go. We all talked to different people. And that ALONE was a challenge for me! To walk up to a complete stranger BY MYSELF and strike up a conversation...ok, I'm not Dillon....that doesn't just come natural to me. =) But it was GOOD for me. =) Overall, it was a great experience. I left encouraged and happy because by the end of the time, I had DONE what God wanted me to do.

Back to what Josiah was talking about earlier: The majority of the time, I'll feel like God is speaking something to me, and then I'll be like "wait wait wait...did I just make that up?" Or "Wait.....does this REALLY make sense" And today, I'd be thinking something and then doubting myself, having this battle inside my head and instantly Dillon was like "Brit....I feel like God is telling you something, what is it?" ha. This happened EVERY time. Finally, I caught on and just told them right away what God was speaking. =)

I am learning to appreciate the fact that God made me who I am. A sensitive woman. And, *sigh*, it's a GIFT, not a problem.

At the end of the day...I am humbled.
That the Creator of the Universe speaks.
To ME.
And to you. =)

Ask Him.
He'll do it.

And when he does, don't doubt it.
Doubting truly is a waste of time. =)
Just listen to what He has to say and be obedient.

Ready. Set. Go!!!

Weekend fun-ness

Hmm...haven't blogged on here in awhile. (Sorry mom!)

Today was a wonderful day! In fact, this entire weekend has been wonderful.

Friday night was a blast. Went to the Chocolate Bar for Chelsea's birthday. Had a great time. =) Chelsea.................is HILARIOUS. =)

On Saturday, I got up early and went to the church building to help distribute Angel Food, then cleaned for an hour, then Renee, Dillon, and I went grocery shopping and came back to the house. Renee and I made breakfast (at noon) for everyone. =) Then we chilled all afternoon. Baked some fun things....ate dinner as a family....and went to a "21st birthday extravaganza" (3 people turned 21 in one week) The party was really fun....I'll post pictures soon. =)

Then today....got up early and went to church. The services were both really good! I love Bryan's preaching. I, of course, had to shed a few tears when we sang a couples songs that remind me of home. *sigh* ANYWAYS, there were two girls that were coming to Jubilee for the first time. Melissa and Chelsea. After church, a huge group of us went out to lunch at Kabob International. (Mediterranean food. YUM!) And BOTH of the girls came with us!

I was totally shocked.....they had both come to the service BY themselves, not knowing a single person. (They didn't know each other) And fit in SO amazingly! After lunch, Renee, Amie, Ali, Melissa and I went shopping at Target....for HOURS! =) It was a blast. =) I got to hear Ali and Melissa speak Mandarin...and it literally brought tears to my eyes....apparently I miss China more than I thought I did....=) Hmmmmm......

So now Renee and I are back home.....sitting on the couches.....reading.....(Well....I WAS reading till I remembered that I hadn't blogged in awhile.)

Sorry that this entry isn't filled with some cool story or interesting thing I learned lately. =)
Just an update on what I've been doing. =)

I have tomorrow off....I think I'll finish laundry and paint my nails. Yup...sounds like a WONDERFUL idea. =)

I can't wait to go home to visit.......=)
Miss all ya'll!

I cry! =)

=) So....Just a few things on my mind today, I figure that I might as well blog them to:
a) Help me remember
and
b) possibly encourage someone.

So...first of all....I was thinking this morning....about how many amazing women I am surrounded by here in the Lou. For real. One thing that I've noticed is a common factor with all of these women is that they ARE what they ARE, without hesitation.

Let me explain.

I remember a time in my life when one person (who I happened to look up to) would always give me a hard time for crying so much...and being too emotional. Unfortunately, I remember multiple conversations with this person that involved tears and me leaving feeling like there was SOMETHING wrong with me...There HAD to be! Why did I always cry? THIS HAD TO CHANGE!
Over the years God has revealed to me that HE has made me perfect....abundance of tears and all! =)
One lady (here in the Lou) in particular has inspired me to BE what I AM and not hold back. It's OK that I get tears in my eyes sometimes when I watch a commercial, or hold a baby, or talk about certain things. And it's OK that I cry when I pray for people that I truly care deeply about. and it's OK that sometimes I see a person that I don't know and my heart hurts for them...and they're still on my mind days later.

Not only is this normal....This is what God intended. THIS is who God designed me to be.

Incredible.

Another thing.....Today as I was trying to get a head start on my God's Lavish Grace book I was once again fascinated by what I was reading! the first chapter was all about how works apart from love are worthless.

"Works that are not motivated by love are unacceptable to God, they are mere religious activity"

Repeat that a few times, I DARE you to live that way! It also was talking about how sometimes as Christians we feel obligated to do certain things. Such as...visit a friend in the hospital. Going to see someone simply because you feel "obligated" kind of defeats the purpose....and Terry Virgo refers to it as "unfruitful activity" Interesting....

Next chapter is called "What have I done to deserve this?" (talking about Grace) The entire chapter is about how God CHOOSES the weak and the poor. He CHOOSES them!

"One of God's mysteries, not so much to be analyzed as to be enjoyed and celebrated, is that the Lord loves you because He loves you!"

It goes on to talk about how God often uses people who aren't considered by the world to be "bright." I love this concept....because as I was reading it, I was thinking about how so often it just seems "natural" for a "smart person" to step up as a leader...but the problem with that so often "smart people" already know everything! They aren't as desperate to learn....hungry for every ounce of knowledge that God has for them. Hmm....

"If, on the contrary, you are one who has always despised you own insights and intellectual skills, celebrate this wonderful upside-down kingdom! you don't have so much to unlearn. Perhaps you don't have so many strong opinions that need to be jettisoned. Come in simple faith to Jesus. Let Him be your teacher."

Oh man...ok...LAST quote for this particular blog session....It's a good one....I promise...

"You may wonder what you have done to deserve God's love. How is it that God has shown you such kindness? This is the very stuff of grace, that he amazes you, contradicts every expectation, seeks you out, finds you, and lavishes love upon you. You have done nothing and can do nothing to earn His grace. The secret of his grace to you lies deep in the mystery of his foreknowledge. Simply receive it, celebrate it, delight yourself in it and live as one whom God is pleased to favour from his own overflowing of resources of kindness."

Whew.
*wipes sweat from my brow (and possibly a tear...)*

That's good stuff!

So yeah...all in all it was a GOOD day. Filled with reading. Oh BOY did I read a lot.
Deuteronomy. *deep breath*

Tomorrow....we start at 9.....We will be spending 9am-1pm in solitude. I'm thinkin I'll walk to a park....Just me, God, and a notebook. =)

Then the year team is meeting for lunch to go over the things that God showed us during our alone time.

I'm super excited. I have NEVER done that before! And I have NO doubt that it's going to be amazing.

K...I'm going to get some rest....Goodnight world...

"I had to ask Melvin and Doug Williams to stop by...."

As I was about to type this blog....that song came on.....I turned it up and announced to the room that I was dedicating it to you, momma. =)
I miss you today. (Hence the reason I didn't text or call you....)

I don't really have a specific thing to blog about tonight.....

Although there are two things that have been on my mind lately-

Thing #1-
Family...Is important. Even extended family. There is no reason for me to NOT be in contact with my cousins! I HATE it that they have kids that barely know me. What happened to the days where we got together every once in awhile? I mean...I realize that I'm in St. Louis now and it's not exactly practical. =) But...when I get home...this is one thing I would like to make more of an effort at doing. Even if it's just a facebook message now and then....

Thing #2-
I've noticed something about the people I've met here...it's almost been like taking a step back in time to when everyone was so hospitable. The majority of women know how to cook, (I mean REALLY cook) And people have people over....and get together often...and it's "normal."
AND I LIKE IT!
Another interesting thing is that people here have extra rooms in their house....occupied by other people in the church, or not occupied....but for the use of GUESTS. What a concept?
I want a guest room! (I suppose that I need my own house first...I'll get right on that when I get back...lol) Anyways, I just like how much of a FAMILY the church is.
Along with this....since I've been here, the Heins have made sure to go out of their way to make me feel like family. Anyone that stays in this house is considered family. That has made this whole transition alot easier!

I'm so thankful that God placed me with the Hein's & Renee. Renee and I have regular giggle-fests about ridiculous things. :)

I guess my mood tonight is just....thankful.

We had LATITUDE tonight. (college group) and as I was sitting there I was just looking around at all the people and thinking about how I DON'T feel like a "new person" even though I've only been here a month! THAT...is CLEARLY a God thing!

=) I feel like I've grown and changed so much in the short time I've been here...I almost wonder what it will be like to go home. I know for SURE that I don't want to just "slip back" into what I was before. But I'm pretty sure that things will stay different. =)

God is rocking my world....drastically. And I kinda like it!

I AM RIGHTEOUS.

Yup, Me. Righteous. Not because of anything I've done, but because GOD SAYS I AM.
What a concept?

So...this weekend in Wentzville we did our Bible doctrine talk with Rick Hein. Fascinating! When we were done talking...I was giddy, like literally GIGGLING, with excitement.

We had read Leviticus. (YIKES) and the chapter in Grudem's Bible Doctrine that we had read was on Sin. (I'm gonna really try my hardest to summarize this whole conversation and get carried away typing in my excitement. But I can't promise anything...) Po

So...it's like 10am...we are talking about how because of Adam's sin, we all have a sinful nature. And Rick says, "Ok, who in this room has sinned this morning?" We all raise our hands. And He says, "Ok, Brittney, what have you done?" I was like....."Uhhhh....? Nothing that I can think of EXACTLY....but...I probably have sinned" He asked Josiah the same question and he had the same answer. He then went on to say, OK...it's 10am.....what on earth could you have POSSIBLY done at this hour? You just woke up! WHY do we assume that we have sinned? Is it POSSIBLE for a Christian to go an entire day without sinning?

Here's the problem: we focus so much on the fact that we are sinners, that it sometimes becomes our identity. In the same way, Miss America 2009 may think of herself as unattractive and detestable, and in thinking of herself that way, she becomes unattractive and detestable even though she MAY be one of the most beautiful women on America. A Smart person comes across as stupid if they're always thinking of themselves as stupid.

Christians need to remember we have DIED to sin. That means that we are no longer a slave to it, we are righteous. Yes, we will have sinful thoughts, we DO still have a flesh, but taking those thoughts captive and claiming that we are RIGHTEOUS is the key. Actions always follow identity. We don't believe that we're free from sin because we don't act like we're free from sin.

It IS possible for a Christian to go 24 hours without sinning. We tend to forget that we are DEAD to sin. Meaning, when we are saved, or "born again", our sinful nature dies. Literally....DIES. We are a NEW creation, something totally different. In God's Lavish Grace, Terry Virgo gives this illustration... Powerful stuff.

"You might find yourself arriving from London at Barcelona airport. The captain informs you that the time is now 4pm. You look at your watch and it clearly says 3pm. You have a good watch and it's still working. Why should the pilot say it's 4pm when you watch clearly tells you that it's 3pm? How do you proceed? Do you keep him happy by pretending that you agree that it is 4pm when you really know full well that it is 3pm? Should you try hard to consider that it is 4pm? No. The reality is that in Spain it is 4pm. Spain is in a different time zone to England. They are one hour ahead, so you change your watch to match up with Spain. Similarly, you are no in Christ and are therefore dead to sin. You are living in a different location, so change your thinking! When you moving into a different time zone you change your watch. When you move from Adam into Christ you shift into a new life where you can count yourself dead to sin, because GOD SAYS YOU ARE."

So...yeah....this font is stuck on italic....kinda annoying. OH well...moving on....=)

Anyways, I was totally just overwhelmed and blessed by that conversation with Rick. I think we all were. We spent the weekend handing out free sodas, helping at different events in the community, and setting up for the church service. TWO of the ladies we gave sodas to came to church today. Praise God!

As soon as we got home we met with Dan to discuss our "God's Lavish Grace" book. It was another amazing time of talking through things and better learning how to accept God's free gift of grace to as. As well as learning how to explain it to others.

I'm so thankful that God has placed me here. This weekend, I ALMOST let satan get the best of me....But this verse kept popping into my mind... "I have set the LORD always before me: because he is at my right hand, I shall not be moved." Psalm 16:8. And I'm CLAIMING that as my own.

OH YEAH...We also went on a prayer walk around the neighborhoods in Wentzville. Dillon and I went together....Chris and Josiah went together...and Rick went alone. We were going to meet back at the car in 30 minutes. and I'm thinking to myself, "PRAY? for 30 minutes? Dude? What am I even going to pray for? I don't know ANY of these people." (WHEN will I LEARN????) So....we start walking, and we pray for the people in this neighborhood, for the existing Christians, for people who have yet to hear, and as we're walking, all I can think about is the kids who just don't KNOW and their parents aren't teaching them about God. And Dillon says, "hey, is there something on your mind, cuz while you were praying, I felt like there was something you needed to pray about" And I was like, "uhh...yeah actually" So we began to pray for the kids. and as we're walking we come across kid toys everywhere, and this family with 4 little boys and the mom is screaming at them and calling them nasty names and the kids repeat it. And my heart began to break for these people. They just don't KNOW what they're missing! We continued to walk praying non-stop for all of these different things that God was placing on our hearts and speaking to us about. And I look at my watch thinking that we had only been walking for like 10 minutes...and we were LATE! It had been over 30 minutes. Again, a huge wake up call regarding God's faithfulness.

Because of this situation (and others) I've decided to take on a new way of thinking when it comes to things that I REALLY don't feel like doing, or when I know I'm going to be doing something that will really stretch me. Instead of worrying about it or getting bummed out, I get EXCITED. Because it seems like the times when I'm like, "Ugh, for REAL? We have to do THAT???" are the times when I'm completely SHOCKED by what God does! You'd think I'd learn!

I'm exhausted from this weekend, but also pumped. I feel like I learned a lot and we also spent SO much time together as a team...and we really bonded. Go us. =)

I'm so excited to see what God has next.

I hope that reading this encourages someone. =)

Romans 6:14 "Sin shall not be master over you, for you are not under law but under grace."

Hooray!